Speaking of the strict Australian quarantine laws, some friends of mine alerted me to the existence of a show called "Border Security: Australia's Front Line." You can find playlists of it on youtube. Jeff and I have become addicted.
It's about the people who work in customs, quarantine, and immigration, and it's very interesting. We've learned a lot about what to do when we enter Australia. In particular, it seems that on the card you fill out before debarking the plane, you want to check "yes" on questions like "Do you have any food?" -- even if you don't think you have any -- because if it turns out that you do have some but didn't check that box, you face a fine of $220.
In the early seasons of the show, there is an immigration officer named Peter who seems to always get to the bottom of things and figure people out. (Of course, the whole thing is edited so naturally we never see any officers screw up!) I think if I get selected for questioning and it turns out to be Peter, I will just confess everything wrong that I've ever done ("I once blew a red light, and I should have gotten a ticket but I didn't!" "I teased my sister and made her cry!" etc.) and hope for the best.