Endings

So I called my suitor at Los Alamos yesterday afternoon. He was disappointed, but he took it well. He asked me what the deciding factors were, and I told him that it came down to being closer to family and the work being more interesting. He asked me what I'll be doing at Oak Ridge, and I told him multiscale methods for computational chemistry, and he commented that he knew I was more interested in numerical analysis.

I tried to reassure him that my decision had only to do with me, that I thought that the prospect of working for him would have been wonderful, but I just needed to make a choice between two great opportunities, and I had no way of dividing myself in two and taking both jobs. I told him that I talked to one of the women who worked for him, who had only great things to say about him and the work environment in general, and that had made the decision even harder because I was just looking for a way to eliminate one or the other job from my consideration. He told me that he hadn't talked to those women about what to say to me; he wanted them to be able to tell me the truth without fearing any consequences.

He asked me if there was anything he could do to change my mind, and I just chuckled. I didn't want to get into a bidding war. It was time to make a decision and stick with it. So I said no.

I told him about my officemate Bill, who will be graduating in a year or so, and who is much more interested in that sort of thing than I am. I told him that I hoped if he had a job available then, he would consider Bill. He told me to encourage Bill to apply when the time came.

He said that both Los Alamos and Oak Ridge are DOE labs, and so he hoped that our paths would cross again. People have made the move from one to the other, and he hoped he could interest me in Los Alamos someday. I told him that I would like very much for our paths to cross again, and that I really liked him and enjoyed getting a chance to meet him and the opportunity to work for him. And with that, the conversation was over.

I feel sad to have disappointed him. But mostly, I feel sad because accepting a job marks the end of my time here in Illinois. I must now move on.