Adventures in Eye Trouble

On Thursday, I could see the red spreading through the white of my left eye. I could see where this was going -- pinkeye -- so when I got home, I got out the eyedrops from the bout last year, and began medicating myself before things got any worse.

That evening, I watched some TV, and I noticed how incredibly bright the thing was. As the evening wore on, my eye became more and more photosensitive. I woke up in the middle of the night with excrutiating pain in my eye, from the ambient light of my neighborhood coming in through the window and filtering through my eyelid! I may as well have been staring straight into the sun, for all the pain it was causing me.

Jeff got me a towel and I was able to wrap my head in it and the pain was not as bad, but there was still a stabbing pain every few minutes. But I managed to get a little sleep.

In the morning I still could not open my eyes or unwrap my head hardly at all. I took a shower with my eyes closed. Jeff took me to the doctor, blindfolded. He also went into the appointment with me, in case someone needed to hold me down while the doctor pried my eyelid open. The doctor was suspicious about the photosensitivity, which made him think it wasn't pinkeye, so he referred me to a specialist. By that point, things were starting to get a little better, and I could open my eyes in a dark room with minimal discomfort. The opthamologist numbed my eye and shone various colored lights into it. After a detailed examination, he determined that I had suffered an episode of iritis, a non-contagious, spontaneous inflammation of the eye. He prescribed some eyedrops for me and off we went.

Today, my eye is a bit sore and red, but much better. Vinny has been administering my eyedrops, which has been great! I am so lucky to have such a sweet and thoughtful son who takes good care of me!

Red Leaf Conversations

Today, after I turned left at a stoplight, I saw another red Nissan Leaf, stopped behind me at the light. I slowed down a little bit, hoping that the other red Leaf would catch up to me.

Sure enough, the driver stopped beside me at the next traffic light. I rolled down my window, and he rolled down his. We conversed about our cars. We both love them, and think they are the best car ever.

Then that light turned green, but we got caught by the next one. In our next conversation, I told him that I'd had mine since July, and he said he got his in September. Then there were no more stoplights, and we eventually went our separate ways.

Music I Enjoy: Sibelius Symphony No. 4

Jean Sibelius is another of my favorite composers. His work is a departure from Beethoven's -- less formal, more organic. In his symphonies, the music just evolves from the beginning to the end, unlike the more formal structure of Beethoven's symphonies.

My favorite symphonies are the second, third, and fourth. The second and third are fairly popular, but the fourth is under-appreciated, in my opinion.

Perhaps this is because it is so dark and stark. I readily concede that it is. It may not be everyone's cup of tea, but it is certainly mine. This symphony has been played orders of magnitude more than everything else on my iPod. It is perfect for writing papers -- it keeps my emotions occupied while my brain works on the papers.

One commenter on the YouTube video that I link to for this said:

If there ever was a man foolish enough to say that despair cannot be sublime, by the time this symphony hits 1 minute and 10 seconds he has been proven wrong.

Take out the male-exclusive pronouns, and I could not agree more. It is a piece of beauty drawn from despair.

The symphony begins with a slow movement (unusual for a symphony). It starts with a cello/bass/bassoon dirge, and eventually a solo cello rises above. This movement sets the mood for the entire symphony: slow, stark, and dark. More of the orchestra joins in: first the violas, then the second violins, and finally the firsts -- and the volume rises as more instruments join. At the 2:15 mark, when the strings cannot get any louder, the horns and then the trumpets join in. This characterizes the entire movement -- a series of swells of sound, very beautiful, but slow, stark and dark.

Even the second movement, which is in a fast tempo, leads right back into slow, stark, and dark for the third movement (my favorite movement, and the focus of this post). The third movement parallels the beginning of the piece, with sustained cello/bass, but a flute solo to start. The flute passes the melody off to the clarinet, then it goes back to the flute, and the cellos and basses begin to imitate the lines of the flute.

We get a small taste of the melody that will be the climax of the piece when the horns enter at the 1:16 mark, but the first substantial preview is initiated by the violas beginning at about the 2:43 mark. At 4:30 it appears again in a slightly more developed form played by cellos under string tremolo. But it gets interrupted by a reprise of earlier themes. The cellos and basses bring it up again at about 5:32, with a poignant cello solo, and we again get thrown off by reprise of earlier themes. The next time it appears is at the 6:45 mark, and it is a much bigger exposition. At this point we can hear it in depth. It begins at the lowest range of the cellos and rises 6 octaves while swelling to fortissimo, before diving back down to the depths and pianissimo, and returning to the original opening theme.

At the 8:30 mark, we have a major theme under which the climax melody, played by the cellos, serves as accompaniment. Finally, at the ten-minute mark, it is the beginning of the big climax. Violins, viola, and cello play it in unison. The melody rises almost 3 octaves and the volume rises to fortissimo until the highest point is reached, and a swift decrescendo down to almost nothing.

For the remainder of the movement we have a sustained focus on the pitch C-sharp. There is a lot of dissonance and resolution and dissonance again, passing from flute to clarinet to first violin to second violin to cello to pizzicato bass, until everyone ends up on the C sharp and just fades away.

The fourth movement starts at C sharp. It is a necessary semi-resolution of the despair of the third movement, and has some beautiful moments in it, my favorite being the theme that begins at about the 2:48 mark and returns at about the 4:25 mark. In this particular recording, the coda (last part) is interpreted a lot differently than I had ever heard -- extremely slow, but perhaps more like it's intended, as if to say that there's no escape from the stark and dark. Although, if it were all up to me, I wouldn't even be trying to escape.

Music I Enjoy: Beethoven's 9th Symphony

In this series of posts, I've already discussed Beethoven's Fifth Symphony. The Ninth Symphony is equally famous. Everybody's heard the "Ode to Joy" -- and you may have even sung it a few times in church (it is a hymn in the Methodist hymnal at least). The final movement with the chorus is superb, to be sure, but I'd like to focus on the first two movements.

The first movement begins with an interval of a fourth (A and E). This is the (inverted) scaffolding of a chord -- the top and the bottom, but not the crucial middle note that tells you whether this is a major or a minor chord. He hangs onto this fourth, accentuating the two notes with violins ascending and descending the scale on those two pitches only, for half a minute. I love the tension this creates -- what is going on? Is this going to ever resolve?

Yes! It does resolve at that point, into D minor, which is fascinating because it is not entirely expected -- those starting notes suggested A minor or A major (although, A minor is a secondary chord in the key of D minor, so it's related). There's a little exposition of a melody, for another half minute, until we get back to another series of fifths, this time D and A. And this time, it resolves into B-flat major, but soon modulates across keys and into a fairly lengthy melodic section mostly in a major key, a break in the storm.

But at the 4:45 mark, we return to the fourths, this time resolving into a series of chords crescendoing into the exposition of a melody derived from the fourths. I really like the part beginning at about 6:23, where the violins alternate between G's -- one the lowest note they can play, and the other two octaves above, and this is then echoed by the woodwinds and brass when the violins take over the melody. Beginning at about the 7-minute mark, a sense of urgency is created in the texture of the piece by strings playing triplets (in the background), which creates an asymmetry in the music. The motion continues, culminating in a series of fortissimo D-major chords beginning at the 8:57 mark, changing to D minor at about 8:45, and recapitulating the melodies we heard throughout the movement. It ends in a typical Beethoven fashion, with a recapitulation of the first melody and a whole lot of D-minor chords.

My favorite movement in the entire symphony is the second movement, the scherzo. Apparently Beethoven was widely criticized for not following the standard form for symphonies, so he wrote this movement as a response to that criticism. The scherzo takes an A-B-A form: scherzo-trio-scherzo. It is in three (as scherzos should be), but with the fast tempo (prestissimo!) and syncopation, it sounds as if it's in quadruple time at times. Take that, critics!

It begins with the same melody* as the first movement, punctuated by a timpani. Then it goes into a fugue, started by the violins, joined by the horns and the rest of the string section and eventually the whole orchestra. We first hear the syncopation at about the 16:45 mark of the recording I've linked to, and in fact the harmony sounds backward in a way when we get to 16:52.

I love the way the timpani is used just like another instrument, in the 17:45 range -- it is identical to the contributions of all the rest of the instruments. And the music rises to a fortissimo statement of the melody beginning at about 18:15.

The trio section is introduced by the woodwinds at about 19:37. It is a swift departure from the original melody -- in major, and seemingly in quadruple time. It is a pleasant and peaceful break from the relentless minor melody. Until, of course, it returns at 22:10. The trio tries to reassert itself at about 25:38, but soon gets squashed by the melody from the first movement to round off the movement.



* If you can call it that! But Beethoven is the master of creating compelling music out of poor melodies.

Jobs: To Accept or Not to Accept?

Science Professor posted an article discussing whether it is best to take a job in hand or to take a risk on the possibility of another job offer coming through.*  The answer, of course, is that it depends.

Personally, I am probably more conservative and honor-bound than most.  So I would look at the job offer and try to figure out if it is good enough, and if so, accept the job and don't look back.  Reneging is sometimes necessary (e.g., family emergency, something big that changes the game), but it is really rude to the people who are trying to hire for a position.

I once had a postdoc candidate who turned down my job offer so that they could interview at Dream Place.  This person hadn't even gotten an interview there yet.  I was surprised that this is what they chose to do, but it worked out well for them in the end -- they now work at Dream Place.  And it worked out well for me as well, because I was able to hire the second-choice candidate who is now doing a wonderful job.

But we had another candidate who reneged, and not for good reasons, which made my boss extremely angry.  It is really hard on the hiring manager when this sort of thing happens -- we have to reopen the job search if we've already closed it, and there may have been a perfectly capable second-choice candidate who we've already rejected and has probably gotten a job elsewhere.  If it's for a good reason, we don't get resentful, but when it's because you've accepted a "better" job, that's different!  That person will never get a job with anyone my boss knows.


* In the context of professional job fields in which jobs are relatively plentiful -- making the best choice amongst many good choices.

Inquiring Minds Need to Know: Thomas the Tank Engine Edition

Some things that are particularly disturbing about the world of Thomas the Tank Engine:

• Am I the only person who noticed the fact that "Sodor" and "Mordor" sound very similar?
• And that Sir Topham Hatt always has his eye on the trains?
• The virtue on Sodor is "being useful," while the biggest vice is "causing confusion and delay."  Apparently, verbally abusing trains is A-OK.  
• Am I the only person who thinks that sometimes, the trains should just tell Sir Topham Hatt to shove it?
• With all the accidents that happen in just about every episode, how has Sir Topham Hatt's license to operate the railroads not yet been revoked?
• What exactly is the role of the train driver?  The trains seem to make all the big decisions.  Why do the drivers not put their foot down when the trains are being reckless?
• Am I the only person who abhors the classism inherent in Sodor society?  The trains aspire to be "really useful" and bicker amongst each other to get the "most important" of the menial tasks Sir Topham Hatt throws at them.  Mr. Perkins, the engine driver who is featured between stories, has a working-class British accent and is sickeningly deferential when Sir Topham Hatt calls on the phone.  (And don't even get me started on the exotic "oriental" train, Hiro!)  Everyone has their place in society and there is no mobility.
• Speaking of accents, why does the obviously American narrator of the story pronounce "Thomas" in the British way?  And I also find it hilarious when he says these typically British phrases (e.g. "Sir Topham Hatt was very cross!") with an American accent.
• Sir Topham Hatt's brother Sir Lowham Hatt was in one episode, and caused the dreaded "confusion and delay."  This helped me hate Sir Topham Hatt a little less, and understand why he turned out the way he did, given a childhood spent with this ne'er-do-well.  Still, it does not excuse the way he behaves towards the trains.  But more importantly, how did some useless nobody like Sir Lowham Hatt become a "Sir"?  Clearly he inherited the title, which furthers the case against royalism.
• When will my child finally outgrow this horrible show?

Important Milestone

Today, Vinny lost a tooth for the first time!  The permanent tooth had pushed it forward in his mouth until it was very precariously perched in his mouth.  He wiggled and wiggled the tooth until finally it came out.

The neighboring tooth is starting to be pushed out in the same way by its corresponding permanent tooth. Coincidentally, he has a dentist appointment tomorrow.  It will be interesting to hear what the dentist has to say!

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year to my vast readership!

My work situation is not yet resolved, but that doesn't mean I can't write about other things!

We had a great holiday.  We got a chance to see the whole family on both sides.  First we visited my dad and stepmom, and saw my sisters and their families and my bonus siblings and their families as well.  Then we went to visit Jeff's parents, and got a chance to see his siblings and their families, and spend some extra time with his nephews.

Vinny got a lot of great presents.  The highlight to him was a portable washing machine that Santa brought for him.  It is a small, hand-cranked washing machine that is basically a giant salad spinner.  The moment he saw it, he lost all interest in opening his stocking or playing with anything else.  He pretended to wash a lot of things, but it wasn't until yesterday that he and I actually used it to wash a few of his clothes.  It worked amazingly well!

In other news, I had long been annoyed by the hideously ugly wallpaper in the master bathroom at our house, especially because it was halfway peeling off the walls.  So I decided to solve that problem by removing the wallpaper.  Once I began peeling the wallpaper off, it was really hard to stop.  I was late to work on Friday because I couldn't stop peeling the wallpaper.  The wallpaper is mostly gone, but even halfway done it is an improvement.  The problem is that the bathtub and tile in the bathroom is a hideous dusty rose color from the 60's.  It's on the orange side of pink -- kind of like this.  It is the equivalent of that 70's avocado color, only pink.  My plan is to paint the walls a neutral color that will not clash with the dusty rose.  After this project is finished, I'm going to replace the hideous peeling vinyl floor in there.

Decisions, Decisions

I've reached a difficult point in my career.  I have some big decisions to make.  All I feel like doing is curling up and hoping that it will all go away, but I know that won't work.  I have to be proactive and make sure I get what I want.

Forgive my silence this past month as I've been working on the future of my career.  I'll tell you what happened once I come out the other side!

My Big Boy

It is hard to believe that my sweet little boy is 5 years old!  He turned 5 about a month ago, and we had a birthday dinner for him.  The presents included Boba Fett action figures of various sizes, and a fancy steering wheel setup for the Playstation 3 that included a gear shift and pedals.  But the biggest hit by far was an antique fan.  Jeff picked it up off of Ebay, from an estate sale.  It is 60 years old, but works beautifully still.

He still loves fans, and has amassed quite a collection.  One of his birthday presents, a joint gift from my boss and my admin and their families, was a fan shaped like a dog.  The actual fan part was located in the tummy of the dog.  He loved this fan, and played with it for hours -- just turning it on, and then back off, on, and off, on, and off...

He's taken a fan to school for show-and-tell at nearly every available opportunity.  And, speaking of school, he is doing really well at school.  The main issue is that he is 5 days too young to be an official kindergartner, but at his school they are letting him participate in the kindergarten classes and we are paying the kindergarten rate.  His teacher said his math skills are off the charts (gee, where did he get that, I wonder?) and his reading is at the 1st grade level.  She said he should really be promoted to first grade next year, because he will be bored out of his wits and cause trouble if he has to repeat kindergarten.  We have to start working now with figuring out how to get him tested and into first grade.

He has an amazing mastery of the English language.  He often surprises me with the things he knows!  I really love talking to him.

How to Get Yourself an Interview

Some people despair that in science, it is an old-boys' club, and nobody outside can get in.  While that is undoubtedly true in some areas, from my experience, computational science is a pretty open field.  Sure, it doesn't hurt that I went to an extremely prestigious school and had a very famous and well-respected adviser, but I have gotten multiple interviews and several job offers without his direct help.  I can give you some advice that has served me well:

• Job-hunting is a lot like dating.  In addition to your qualifications, there has to be a certain chemistry there, otherwise it will not work out.  There have been jobs for which I was underqualified, but got offers nonetheless, because that chemistry was there.  Conversely, I have been well qualified for some jobs that I did not get.
• Your application is an advertisement for the product known as you.  So make sure that it appeals to the people doing the hiring!  
• Write a stellar cover letter, outlining the ways in which your qualifications and experience satisfy the job requirements, and the great things that you can bring to the position.  Be sure to include some indication of your personal enthusiasm for the position -- this goes a long way towards building the chemistry (or rapport) with the hiring manager.  They want you to like them and what they have to offer, not just be a robot who does the work.  Writing essays comes naturally to me, so I find it really easy to knock out a good cover letter quickly, but if you do not possess this gift, write a draft and get somebody who's a better writer than you to give you feedback.
• Tailor your CV to the position.  If you are applying for a technical job, outline your technical skills.  If you are applying to work with me at a large HPC center, tell me how much experience you have with MPI, OpenMP, and other relevant libraries, tools, and programming languages, and tone down the irrelevant skills like your Microsoft Access training.  If you are applying for a managerial position, then outline your managerial skills.  Even if you don't directly supervise anyone, there are still relevant leadership skills and experiences that you may have.
• Don't be scared to brag.  Sometimes people don't know how awesome you are, so you need to tell them.  If you are applying for a position in a different country, for example, they may not realize that your Ph.D. institution is ranked in the top 5 in the U.S., so this is something you need to tell them.  And things that you think everybody should know if they are applying for this job (e.g., MPI for one of the positions I've been hiring for) -- you would be amazed how many people don't actually have those skills.  So be sure to let us know you do have those skills!
• Not getting a particular job is not the end of the world.  There are many paths to happiness in life, many ways a career can go, and being flexible improves your ability for happiness.

Applying Late for Jobs and My View from Both Perspectives

I was inspired to write this post after reading a question to Dr. Isis about applying for a job "too late" due to having had a baby, which interfered with the applicant's ability to apply in a timely manner.

I commented:

As a person who has been on both the job-searching and the hiring sides, deadlines are there for convenience but they are rarely hard deadlines. I once submitted an application 20 days after the deadline and still got an interview. As another datapoint, someone emailed me when I was wrapping up my decisions about who to interview for a job, and I told him to hurry up and apply. That candidate ended up being the best one, and just started the job yesterday!

It will take them two weeks before they really even start looking through the applications. Hiring is an extremely time-consuming process, but at the early stages it is easy to add in another application to be considered. So definitely apply.

I was once a wee beginning job applicant, afraid of annoying the powers that be by not following the rules.  But, having now been at the other end of the table, I have a much different perspective.  While there are some things that may disqualify you for a particular position, there are few acts so egregious that a hiring manager will remember your name and make sure that you never, ever get a job with anyone they know.  (This is a notable exception!)

For that job where I applied  20 days too late, I told them my reason why.  It wasn't even a very good reason -- I hadn't seen the job posting until that day, and it just seemed like something too good to pass up.  I did not have a good excuse like Dr. Isis' correspondent.  But my application was very strong and I got the interview.  So it can happen.  In the worst case, they don't interview you, which is the same result as if you had never applied.

Really though, unless they are a completely unreasonable person (in which case, you don't want that job anyhow!), there is no negative repercussion from applying a little late if you accidentally missed the application deadline.  Now, that is not me giving you permission to willfully ignore all deadlines -- I'm just saying that honest mistakes are easily forgiven.

Job applicants often have this myopic vision of the hiring process.  I was talking to one of the postdocs I'd hired and I complained about how hard it was to fill the position, how many times my offers were rejected, and how glad I was that they were there.  "Oh," said the postdoc. "I only thought of it from the applicant's perspective -- it never occurred to me that you would be disappointed by people rejecting your job offers!"

Yes, we are disappointed by people rejecting our job offers!  Just as much, if not more, than applicants are disappointed by not getting the job.  It is a huge investment of time to screen applications, talk to applicants, bring them in for interviews, collect and evaluate feedback, and extend offers.  I was so heartbroken the first time my offer was rejected.  I really thought I'd had that candidate in the bag!  But I had to get over it quickly and get the whole process started again.

Making a job offer is a lot like making a Jane Austen-era marriage proposal.  You tell the person you really like them, they are just what you've been looking for, and you want to spend 40 hours a week together with them.  You have these means to provide for them (a.k.a. a salary), and you hope to produce little hybrids of yourself and them (a.k.a. research papers), if only they find you as attractive as you find them.  Then you smile nervously and hope they will say yes.

They usually have to take some time to think about your offer, and you desperately hope that they will think you are Mr. Bingley and not Mr. Collins.  I've been Mr. Collins more often than I would like.  In fact, I once had one person reject my job offer so that they would be free to possibly interview elsewhere (the place of their dreams, but that had not yet contacted them with any interest).  I don't know if that puts me in the same league as Mr. Darcy with his first proposal to Elizabeth Bennet, but that was a pretty odd rejection to say the least.  But it was all good, I offered the job to the next person on the list, who verbally accepted it immediately, and I felt relief that the position was finally filled.

After experiencing both sides of the table, I understand the hiring process much more, and at this point I am unafraid of applying for jobs (if I were in a position that I needed to do so).  I know how the system works.  I would know how to make myself attractive to hiring managers because I have been in their shoes.  I will write another post on that topic.

Musical Memories

My Nissan Leaf came with 4 months of satellite radio for free, and I began listening to the classical music stations every day on my way to work and back.  I got to hear a number of pieces of music that I once loved but had forgotten about.  Because I was getting so much enjoyment out of it, I decided to purchase a subscription after the trial period expired.  I'm still enjoying the classical stations and what they have to play.  Here is a partial list of the music that I re-experienced:

• On the Beautiful Blue Danube (thus the recent post)
• Symphony #2 "Romantic" by Howard Hanson
• Symphony #1 by Gustav Mahler
• L'Arlesienne Suite by Georges Bizet
• Enigma Variations by Edward Elgar
• Overture to Tannhäuser by Richard Wagner
• Symphony #5 by Dmitry Shostakovich
• Pictures at an Exhibition by Modest Mussorgsky
• Symphonie Fantastique by Hector Berlioz

On Patriotism and Criticism

When I was in the eighth grade, my family lived in England for a year.  It was an experience that was very influential in my life.

It was good to be exposed to another culture and another way of doing things, to learn that there is more than one way to be.  Yes, you can drive on the left side of the road and still have a functioning society.  You can go to an all-girls school and survive the experience, even if you have to wear a gray uniform every day.  And there are places where history goes much deeper than it does in this young country.  I learned quite a bit of tolerance from the experience.

But most importantly, it informed my understanding of what it is to be an American.  I returned to the United States with a deeper love and appreciation for my country.  But it was not a blind, unquestioning patriotism -- it was a love very much like the love I feel for my family and close friends.  I see this country's good points and I see its flaws, but most importantly, I can see its potential -- everything that these United States could be.  It would be unfair to turn a blind eye to these flaws, and approve unquestioningly of everything done in the name of the United States.  My loved ones deserve better!  It is my duty to use my perspective to indentify the problems, and help my country overcome its shortcomings.

Music I Enjoy: Traumerei

I played at some friends' wedding the weekend before last (these friends) -- and was asked to play Träumerei by Robert Schumann, a lyrical, reflective piece of music.




I had a recording of Joshua Bell (the violinist in the video above) playing the piece, and I listened and listened to him playing it, and even played along as practice.

But, Joshua Bell I am not!  I don't have nearly the skills that he does, mostly because I don't practice nearly as often as he does, and my fingers don't move the way I want them to all the time, because of my ulnar nerve damage.  Luckily, my friends were pleased with my performance (they got what they paid for and then some!).

I really like what Joshua Bell does with the piece though.  I think the flow of his interpretation is perfect.

Music I Enjoy: On the Beautiful Blue Danube

I hate to admit it, but all weekend, this has been going through my head:

That's bad enough, but what is even more shameful is that I've been enjoying it! Yes, it is overplayed. Yes, it is an earworm. But it is kind of fun. It makes me laugh. I love the beginning, preparing you for the imminent arrival of the waltz. It's like a sunrise, with the rays of sun just peeking above the horizon. You watch them get brighter and brighter, until the sun is up and the waltz begins in all earnestness. The ten minutes of music varies enough that it keeps you from getting too bored. There's even a brief minor section. It is definitely a waltz, and makes me want to dance around the house (ONE-two-three ONE-two-three) -- albeit without even a hundredth of the skill of the dancers in this video. Luckily since I am the only one at home I don't embarrass myself.

My Future Engineer

Vinny has always loved things that go round and round -- wheels, windmills, you name it.  He was terrified of the clothes washer for a while, because it went "boom boom boom" when the load was unbalanced and the noise scared him, but he has since overcome his fear and added washers to the list of fascinating things that go round and round.

He is so interested in washers that he has lately spent the majority of his computer time watching washer repair videos, which he can now quote word-for-word.  (If there's something wrong with your washer, ask him what to do before you call a repairperson!)  He always wants to help load and run the clothes washer, which is great except that while he is also excited to operate the dryer, he's much less interested in folding and putting away the clothes.

He also wants to play clothes washer.  How do you play clothes washer, you may be asking?  Well, he turns around and around, saying "ratta ratta ratta" as if he is the agitator in the center of the basket of a top-loading washer.

Yesterday he declared that he wanted to buy a washing machine and install it in the bathroom so that he can play with it.  If it weren't for the space problems, I would be happy to buy him a cheap used one to tinker with!  Instead, Jeff promised him that if we ever needed to get a new washer, he could help pick it out.

Another obsession of his is fans.  He has enjoyed watching videos of fans on YouTube for years and years.  There are people who have fan collections and post videos of them.  There are videos by kids and adults alike.  Vinny was especially inspired by the children with fan collections and began a collection of his own.  He spends the money he gets for good behavior on new fans.  And once, when he did something we were especially proud of, Jeff took him to Kmart and let him pick any toy he wanted.  What did he select?  A box fan, one with two knobs!

They have show and tell at his school every Monday and Friday, and every time, he has brought a different fan to share.  Some of the kids are not interested in his fans, but other ones have developed an interest in fans thanks to him.  In fact, we went to one of his classmates' birthday party a few weeks ago and the birthday girl had told her mother that Vinny had too many fans and should giver her one of his fans for her birthday.  We gave her a brand-new fan of her own and it was like the best gift ever.

For Vinny's birthday, Jeff found an antique desk fan on eBay.  We know he will love it.  If only there were a small washer that we could get him (beyond the small pink toy we bought to try to help him overcome his fear of washers).

Computational Conversations

(based on actual conversations I have had with domain scientists...)

Solving a scientific problem?  I can help!

Is it a partial differential equation?  I know something about that.  I've solved Schrödinger's equation in many forms.  Advection and diffusion I know well.  Choose your finiteness: finite elements, finite differences, or finite volumes?  Each one has its own advantages and pitfalls.

Linear algebra?  Use an optimized BLAS library, not the reference library!  Our vendor has a group of applied mathematicians who developed these math libraries just for you.  Don't let all their effort go to waste!  Eigenvalues -- you don't need to orthogonalize at every step, just every so often.  Maybe it will require a few more iterations, but the iterations will be so much cheaper...

Optimization?  Yes!  Finally something I am an expert in!  Okay, so what type of problem are you solving?  Is it convex?  Is the objective function cheap to evaluate?  How many parameters?  Is it a mixed-integer program?  Actually, I think your problem could be reformulated as a combinatorial optimization problem and we could try an evolutionary algorithm...

Oh, you meant code optimization.  Yes, I can do that too.  See these loops?  Since it's Fortran, we need to reorder the loops so that the array is accessed by its first index in the innermost loop, not its second.  See, we just got a 4x performance boost just by swapping these indices.  Okay, let's change this array to a function, because it is easily calculated and the function can be inlined whereas that memory lookup can't.  And let's eliminate these "if" statements by dividing this loop into two parts.

Your job fails at 120,000 MPI processes, but not below that?  What happens when it fails?  How long does it take to get to the point of failure?  What is the code doing when it fails?  Does it always happen in the same place?  Let me ask my sysadmin colleague to look in the top-secret log files that only they can view...

Does this computation depend on that one, or can it be done in any order?  Is there any reason to keep this data after initialization?  What if we used this framework?  Asynchronously spawning new tasks would implicitly load balance this algorithm.  Your algorithm is not scalable.  The synchronizing you do will be a huge bottleneck as you scale up.  It may work okay now, but at the petascale or beyond there will be scalability issues coming out of the woodwork, things even beyond this synchronization issue.  Trust me, I have seen this happen even in my own codes.  Let my pain be your gain!

I may not be a scientist in your field, but I know a lot of things that can help you.  I've boosted the performance of codes by a factor of two with a single keystroke.  I may not have seen your problem before, but I've seen something like it.

Radio Silence

Hello world!

I have found that when I am under a lot of stress, I tend to just retreat inside myself.  I don't want to talk about the stress and I can't think of anything else to talk about, so I just get quiet.

The past two months have been that way for me.  There has been a lot of stress.  I have retreated and remained silent.

The stress is still there but I am trying to think about other things to talk about.  Please bear with me; my creative juices do not flow well under these circumstances.

Leaf Beliefs

My younger sister is a professor of religion, who focuses on environmental ethics, so she has been really interested in hearing what I am feeling about the ethical implications of owning and operating an electric car.  Since I have had it for a grand total of nine days, I of course feel inherently qualified to discuss all the ethical implications of the Nissan Leaf. (*grin*)

As I said before, I felt a strong ethical impulse to buy the car, and it went further than simple carbon footprint reduction.  I have enough disposable income that I can afford more than just the basic necessities, and I like to choose ethical ways in which to spend my money.  This is why I buy a share in a local farm -- I support the local economy and get tasty fruits and veggies to eat.  I also want to spend my money to encourage more good works, which is why I donate to good causes (e.g., GLBT equality).

I feel that buying a Nissan Leaf helped me to further both these goals.  It is ethical to avoid buying gasoline -- the instability in the Middle East is fueled by our insatiable appetite for petroleum.  (Of course there are ethical issues with the way that electric power is generated, but I think this is the lesser of two evils.)  By being one of the earliest adopters of the technology, I am monetarily encouraging a company that is taking a bold ethical step.

My sister also asked me whether I felt "less-polluting joy" every time I drove the car.  I told her that yes, I do feel a certain sense of joy every time I get into my coal-powered car.  (Most of our electricity comes from coal.)  Sometimes I just feel like, "Oh hey, I can drive anywhere I want!  I am not polluting at all!  I will never walk anywhere again!"

Except, yeah, I'm still polluting.  It's not coming out of my tailpipe.  It's coming out of a smokestack instead.  While it is less than what would come from a tailpipe, even if it's 100% coal powered, that doesn't mean you are absolved of responsibility for pollution.

But since it is hard to see those emissions, it is hard to feel guilty when you step on the pedal and accelerate a little more than you would have otherwise.  And it does accelerate so smoothly and so instantaneously...