The Door of Science

I am the only woman in my department, aside from the secretary. I try not to notice that my body is different from everybody else's, and the guys do their best to ignore it too. Usually, it all works out, at least until we come to a door.

The guys get a bit squirmy when we get near a door. (Some guys more than others.) But the ones who have issues with doors become really uneasy if I arrive at the doorway and open the door first.

It happened twice today. I went with my colleagues to the cafeteria, and I was the first to reach the cafeteria door, so I opened the door and held it open for them. They all laughed, but I could tell that one guy in particular felt very uncomfortable about it. I lightheartedly informed him that since I have working arms,* I'm perfectly capable of holding a door open.

On the way back, one of the guys managed to arrive at our building's front door before me, but since I was the first person to go inside, I got to the interior door first and held it open for the others to pass. The man who had felt so uncomfortable before essentially refused to go through the door until I did.

So I let him take the door handle and I went through the door. But I asked him why he felt so uncomfortable about me holding the door for him. "I guess I'm just not used to it," he answered, and laughed uncomfortably.

I realized afterwards how awkward the situation had made me feel. Instead of letting that man just feel uncomfortable, I did what he wanted and took on the discomfort myself. (There I go again, sacrificing my own comfort for the sake of harmony! I need to rid myself of the unhealthy habits stemming from feeling responsible for keeping it decorous at all times. They do me more harm than good.)

From what I can figure, the male rules of door throughput seem rather complicated. The ideal situation is where the man arrives at the door first, opens it, and holds it open while the woman walks through. The sub-ideal but still acceptable situation is where the woman arrives at the door first, lets herself through, and then the man follows. The unacceptable situation is where she tries to hold the door for the man.

My rules of door throughput are much simpler. The first able-bodied and unencumbered person to arrive at the door holds the door open while the others walk through.

You may be wondering what the big deal is. It's just a door, after all. And I would agree, except that this whole door predicament is really about something bigger. It's about how men, even very nice, ostensibly egalitarian men, treat women. My colleagues are all very kind, wonderful men, and they behave most professionally all the time. But small incidents like this (an incident that I would not classify as unprofessional) remind me that they see me differently than they see each other, and treat me differently too. It's no longer about just a literal door. It's also about the figurative door into the realm of science.

The majority of men in science are very nice, and they want women to succeed in this field, it's just that they don't know what they can do to help. They sense that something's not quite right, but they just can't figure out what it is, in part due to their societally-enforced preconceived notions about women. So they offer to hold the door open for us, which is a kind gesture, but unnecessary. Really, we don't need them to hold it open; all we need is for the door to not be locked when we try to open it.

So, colleagues, please treat me like a scientist, not a woman who does science. The next time I arrive at the door first (whether figurative or literal), please let me open it for you, and in turn, you can open the door for me.


*Yes, in one of my arms I have a seriously bad case of medial epicondylitis (golfer's elbow), but a) I was using my other arm, and b) this guy doesn't know about my condition.

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