Adventures in Not Getting an Offer

So I just got a call from the guy who I interviewed with at Sandia. Unfortunately, they have decided to continue to look for someone to fill that position.

He was very nice about it, telling me that they were very impressed by me, but it's just that my skill set doesn't match the job. I told him I understood, and thanked him for the compliments. He said he thought I could fit in at Sandia, but in a different department, and he was happy to recommend me to a different area if I would like. I told him that it was nice of him to suggest that, and that I would probably feel the most at home in the optimization area.

Then I explained to him how I had burned a bridge with the manager of the optimization department in the past. I explained how when I was a summer intern in 2001, I had refused to work on what I was hired to do, because of my Quaker heritage. The manager of the optimization department had done his homework and talked to the guy who I had worked with in 2001, and asked me if I still felt that way, and I said yes. And I explained the background of something I had mentioned in passing during the interview, about how I got into karate. I had said that I thought my family would not approve of my interest in karate, and he'd asked why. I deliberately interpreted the question in another way at the time, replying that it was because of bad communication that I thought that, but today on the phone I filled in the background, explaining that it was because of the Quaker heritage. But I explained to him, I have had a change of heart, and I don't feel the same way as I used to. It's certainly something important to consider, but I am not so kooky about it, perhaps.

He said he is good friends with the manager of the optimization department, and he will talk to him about me and my evolving morality. So if I'm lucky, maybe I'll get an interview from that department. If I don't, well, I guess that will have to be okay.

My office-mate remarked about how remarkably gracious I was on the phone. Perhaps this is testament to the fact that I didn't really want that job. Perhaps it's also testament to how I recognize that suitableness as an employee is not the same thing as suitableness as a person.

Of course I'm disappointed! It would have been nice to have a job in my pocket as a backup in case I didn't get any other offers. It would have been nice to have a bargaining chip to use against other offers. It would have been nice to have the security of knowing where I was going to be in a few months, and knowing that my incredible shrinking bank account would soon stop shrinking. But that is counterbalanced by the fact that I probably would not have enjoyed that job as much as other jobs that I could still possibly get. There are plenty of other fish in the sea, and I need to go fishing some more.