Five Questions Guaranteed to Ruin My Life

My sister Rachel received a set of five questions from a friend, and then decided to pass the meme along by posing five questions for the first five people who responded to her post. One thing that must be known about my sister is that it is her entire purpose in life to ruin my life. Thus I dared her to pose five questions guaranteed to ruin my life. By taunting her in that manner, I was able to prevent her from gaining any satisfaction from ruining my life with the questions, which in turn ruins her life! (Actually, despite her best efforts, Rachel hasn't ruined my life yet! I take great satisfaction in that because it means that I have ruined her life! Hey, what are sisters for?)

Like my sister, I offer to the first five people who comment here a chance at answering five questions posed by yours truly. No guarantees on what effect they will have on your life. (No guarantees that I have five readers, either!)

And so, without further ado, I answer the questions:

1) If you had an unseen servant to do your bidding, would you use it just for utilitarian purposes, or would you play pranks? Describe pranks in detail.

I would use my unseen servant mostly for utilitarian purposes. Actually, pranks can be utilitarian, so maybe I'd use it strictly for utilitarian purposes! A fun prank that I would use it for would be the following:

You know how sometimes you aren't really watching where you're going and you think there's a step down but there's not really? You get surprised when your foot reaches the floor before you expect it to. I would make my unseen servant lie on the first step of a staircase and as people tried to descend the first step they would be very surprised. I wouldn't want them to get hurt, though, so I'd make the unseen servant catch them if they fell.

2) Once we take over the world, what exactly will the Feminist Atheist Badass Agenda be?

Clearly, to take over the universe. To boldly go where no man has gone before!

3) Is Pop Star Booty on tour this summer?

Yes. Booty and the Androids (as the group is more correctly known) are hitting the road this summer on the "Electric Love" tour. Look for them in high-class venues throughout the world. They will presenting some of their old hits (such as "One-Three-Four-Five-Eight-Seven-Six-Five") along with new tunes from the forthcoming album "Electric Love." You may have heard their latest hit single, "Integrate Me," a fusion of techno-pop, reggae, and supercomputing.

4) If Jesus and Elvis were in a fist fight, who would win?

This is a tough question and I can only speculate. It depends on the circumstances of the fight. If they were in an isolated location with nobody else around, I'd have to put my money on Elvis, who had a black belt in something-or-other. I did, however, recently come across a web site called www.karateforchrist.com, so if any of those guys were around, they'd probably rush to Jesus' aid and Elvis would lose. Except, we mustn't forget the Theory of Conservation of Ninjitsu (explained succinctly here). Thus what would happen is that all the Karate for Christ people would rush in and perform extremely poorly against Elvis until he whittled them down to just a few. At that point, things would get more challenging for the King and he would probably get the snot beaten out of himself, but manage to hang on and defeat Jesus. So I guess I'm gonna go with Elvis either way.

5) What is your favorite memory of your sisters (separately or together) from when we were kids?

I don't think I have a specific favorite memory, just general memories. Unlike most siblings, we all actually got along pretty well, and I have fond memories of family moments when we were all together, playing games, going on trips, making each other laugh, stuff like that.