Saturday, May 20, 2006

Dear Tennessee

Dear Tennessee,

I am a relatively new resident of yours, moving down here after seven years in Illinois. While I enjoy the beautiful hills, the lush greenery, and the new job I have here, I had a few complaints that I was hoping you could do something about.

First of all, do you think you could get your residents to stop pronouncing the final "s" in my former state's name? Illinois rhymes with boy, not poise. I begin to twitch involuntarily when they do that, which makes it hard for me to make a good impression.

Secondly, would it be possible to do something about the people who don't believe in traffic signals? When I first arrived here, I couldn't understand why cars turning left didn't do like they do in Illinois: get out into the middle of the intersection, and turn left when the light turns red. After seeing too many instances of people speeding into the intersection when they see the light turn red, however, I now understand.

Finally, what's up with the weather? The high hasn't been above 70 for the past ten days or so. Who do you think you are, Illinois?!?!


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