The weekend before I taught the supercomputing class, I decided to get a pedicure. Because, of course, all these people were going to be staring at my feet! Naah, but it's just one of those things: If you look your best, you feel more confident.
So I went to this certain establishment, the name and location of which is withheld for the moment. As the woman was getting rid of the calluses on my heels, she accidentally cut my heel. At the time, it just felt like a nick (like cutting yourself shaving) and I didn't think too much of it. But she was very apologetic and every time she caught my eye she apologized again and again. I wasn't angry because I knew it was an accident. I didn't complain about it; I just paid my bill and left.
It wasn't until I got home that I saw the full extent of the damage. It was actually a very deep cut, a square about 1/2" on a side, and right in the center of my right heel, exactly where your foot first contacts the floor when walking, and exactly where I can't see it very well without contorting myself.
So, during my course, I was glamorously limping around. But at least I had shiny toenails! This is my punishment for vanity, I mused.
But of course just limping for a few days would have been getting off too easy! Because I couldn't comfortably place my heel on the ground, I was just walking on my toes and I started to get really bad leg and foot cramps. Then, I noticed that the wound was still draining and it didn't seem to be healing up. I figured it was a good excuse to find a family doctor for us, so I asked the department secretary for a recommendation of a good doctor to establish a relationship with. She recommended a certain practice and I managed to get an appointment for this past Monday.
The doctor was impressed by the depth of the wound and the infection that I had developed. She cut out a bunch of dead skin that was preventing it from healing up, put a special dressing on it, gave me a prescription for antibiotics, and wants to see me for a follow-up appointment next week. In the meantime I am to take the antibiotics and keep the special dressing on it.
I think that the treatment seems to be working pretty well. I'm able to walk on it almost normally, meaning I'm now down to only half speed (due to pregnancy) rather than quarter speed like I was before. So maybe my punishment is coming to an end!
Thursday, June 22, 2006
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
Adventures in Teaching
Yesterday I gave my world-famous Crash Course in Supercomputing. My boss, after learning that I had given this course before, asked me to teach the summer students about supercomputing. Fifteen or twenty students showed up to learn from my wisdom.
I first developed this course for some minority high school students in the Washington, D.C. area in the summer of 2004. I improved upon it for this second iteration, generalizing some of the stuff that was specific to the computer they were using, adding content, improving explanations, and adding lots of pretty pictures, including pictures of old computers, such as this one, my all-time favorite supercomputer:
That is a Cray supercomputer from 1976. The tall part in the middle is the computer. The shorter, C-shaped part contains the cooling system. The nifty thing is that this computer doubles as furniture for the lobby of your company headquarters. The outer part is a vinyl-covered C-shaped bench. If I knew where I could get one of those bad boys, I would totally buy one. Too bad they stopped making them thirty years ago! But I digress...
This time I gave the course in one day rather than over the course of several days. This is because the room I wanted was available only on Mondays and Fridays, and it didn't make sense to do the course on non-consecutive days. So the morning was spent learning about Unix, the vi editor, Makefiles, and batch scripts, while the afternoon was reserved for parallel programming concepts and MPI.
I think they thought I was a little bit insane. I like to keep things lively, because otherwise people will go to sleep. So I said some pretty outrageous things just to see what would happen. At one point, I talked about the command to look at the batch queue, so that you can see what jobs are running and get an idea of how long you'll have to wait before your job will run. "You can use this command to figure out who to hate," I said. One person got it and laughed. Everyone else stared at me blankly. "That was meant to be a joke," I added. "You were supposed to laugh." Then they all laughed.
At the end of the day, I had them fill out an evaluation form. Overall I got pretty decent evaluations. Nobody completely hated me, and most people learned a lot from the course. I felt good about that and I'll probably do it again next year.
I first developed this course for some minority high school students in the Washington, D.C. area in the summer of 2004. I improved upon it for this second iteration, generalizing some of the stuff that was specific to the computer they were using, adding content, improving explanations, and adding lots of pretty pictures, including pictures of old computers, such as this one, my all-time favorite supercomputer:
That is a Cray supercomputer from 1976. The tall part in the middle is the computer. The shorter, C-shaped part contains the cooling system. The nifty thing is that this computer doubles as furniture for the lobby of your company headquarters. The outer part is a vinyl-covered C-shaped bench. If I knew where I could get one of those bad boys, I would totally buy one. Too bad they stopped making them thirty years ago! But I digress...
This time I gave the course in one day rather than over the course of several days. This is because the room I wanted was available only on Mondays and Fridays, and it didn't make sense to do the course on non-consecutive days. So the morning was spent learning about Unix, the vi editor, Makefiles, and batch scripts, while the afternoon was reserved for parallel programming concepts and MPI.
I think they thought I was a little bit insane. I like to keep things lively, because otherwise people will go to sleep. So I said some pretty outrageous things just to see what would happen. At one point, I talked about the command to look at the batch queue, so that you can see what jobs are running and get an idea of how long you'll have to wait before your job will run. "You can use this command to figure out who to hate," I said. One person got it and laughed. Everyone else stared at me blankly. "That was meant to be a joke," I added. "You were supposed to laugh." Then they all laughed.
At the end of the day, I had them fill out an evaluation form. Overall I got pretty decent evaluations. Nobody completely hated me, and most people learned a lot from the course. I felt good about that and I'll probably do it again next year.
Saturday, June 10, 2006
My Take on Obesity
I used to be fat. I weighed over 240 lbs. I really liked eating, and it was one of the few pleasures I had in my life at the time. I was going through a painful time; my parents were divorcing, my own mother wouldn't speak to me, and my husband was mentally ill. I contemplated suicide, and I was too upset to do any work. Life was not good, although chocolate sure was!
I took anti-depressants, I got psychological help, and I took up karate. My husband started getting better, and I started being able to do my work. The pain caused by my fragmented family lessened, although it was still there (and is still there to this day). I was able to go off the anti-depressants and think more positively about life.
As I began feeling better about myself, I became less dependent on food to make me happy. It was at this point that I got up the courage to join Weight Watchers. I think I told Jeff, but I didn't tell anybody else, just in case it didn't work for me. I decided that I was a worthwhile person who deserved to be healthy, so I resolved to lose weight for my own sake.
I really like Weight Watchers for several reasons. First, by going to a weekly meeting, you get to know other people who are also in your shoes. Some of them are ahead of you in their weight loss goals, others are behind you, but you're all in the same boat. Weight Watchers stresses lifestyle changes: eating healthier foods and a balanced diet, engaging in positive self-talk and assertiveness, recognizing your needs and finding positive ways to meet them, and encouraging increased physical activity. You do have a weekly weigh-in, and your weight is recorded, but the numbers on the scale are not stressed as much as the lifestyle changes. I made a lot of friends at the meetings and it was a really positive experience for me.
Thanks to hard work and perseverence, and with the support of my Weight Watchers leader, my karate instructor, and my friends and family (whom I did tell after I began to see some progress!), I lost 68 lbs over the course of 19 months. I also worked hard in karate, culminating with my brown belt at about the same time. I am prouder of those two accomplishments than I am of my Ph.D. They were two things that I thought were impossible.
This is my personal story about fatness. I used to be unhappy, which led to being fat. Once I resolved the unhappiness, I decided to lose weight by changing my lifestyle, and I was successful. But I don't pretend to think that everyone else works the same way.
I had a few friends who felt intimidated by my weight-loss success, and they became self-conscious in front of me. I told them that my weight loss didn't change my opinion of them. I like people because of their personality on the inside, not their appearance on the outside.
Weight is a very complicated subject. There are many reasons why people are fat, and not all of them are because the person is unhappy or lazy. As I said before, I was unhappy and became fat. In that order. This does not mean that all fat people are unhappy. And there are plenty of non-lazy fat people. Laziness is just a negative stereotype that people associate with fat people. There are three primary factors that influence weight: priorities, behavior, and biology.
Often, a person's priorities are a big factor in their weight. To some people, enjoying good food takes a higher priority than being thin. This could be because they are unhappy and food makes them feel better, but it could just be that they really like food. Sometimes, they just have so much going on in their life that being thin takes a back seat. Whatever the reason for not being thin, it's their body. I think that's their choice and should be respected as such.
Sometimes people have behavioral habits that cause them to be fat. They may be unaware of how to eat healthily, or of physical activity that could assist them in losing weight. Sometimes there are behaviors that seem minor but make a huge difference. Also, sometimes people engage in negative behaviors like negative self-talk and feelings of helplessness that complicate the situation and make it harder to lose the weight they might want to lose.
Genetics also play a major role in determining a person's weight. Some people have a genetic predisposition to store more excess calories as fat than others. This genetic predisposition was useful in earlier days, when food sources were inconsistant and unreliable, but in our society, with food always available, it is not necessary. People with the propensity to store excess calories efficiently will easily gain weight and have a lot of trouble losing it. And some medications have a similar effect. Also, I know that some people have trouble knowing when their stomach is full. Due to some sort of genetic problem, or the interference of medication, they never feel full.
Another problem in our society is the fact that food with high nutritional value is so much more expensive than food with low nutritional value. For example, you can buy five pounds of white flour for less than a dollar. How much lettuce can you get for a buck? Not nearly as much. So, if you don't have much money, you're going to buy the flour instead of the lettuce, because you can get a lot more meals out of it than you can out of the same money's worth of lettuce.
I once read an article about the epidemic of obesity and diabetes in the migrant workers who harvest our fruits and vegetables. They subsist on low-cost foods such as white flour. They are paid so little that they can't even afford to eat the very food they harvest! If I ruled the world, I would subsidize fruits and vegetables so that the poor could better afford them.
Ultimately, it is possible for everyone to be at a healthy weight. Genetics, medication, and behavior can make it hard, but if maintaining a healthy weight is high enough priority, it can be done. I know, for some people it's a lot harder than for others. But ultimately, the laws of Physics make it impossible to stay heavy if you take in fewer calories than you expend. If there's somebody who can beat the laws of Physics by storing more calories than they consume, then we need to figure out how to harness their biochemistry to make a perpetual motion machine!
I took anti-depressants, I got psychological help, and I took up karate. My husband started getting better, and I started being able to do my work. The pain caused by my fragmented family lessened, although it was still there (and is still there to this day). I was able to go off the anti-depressants and think more positively about life.
As I began feeling better about myself, I became less dependent on food to make me happy. It was at this point that I got up the courage to join Weight Watchers. I think I told Jeff, but I didn't tell anybody else, just in case it didn't work for me. I decided that I was a worthwhile person who deserved to be healthy, so I resolved to lose weight for my own sake.
I really like Weight Watchers for several reasons. First, by going to a weekly meeting, you get to know other people who are also in your shoes. Some of them are ahead of you in their weight loss goals, others are behind you, but you're all in the same boat. Weight Watchers stresses lifestyle changes: eating healthier foods and a balanced diet, engaging in positive self-talk and assertiveness, recognizing your needs and finding positive ways to meet them, and encouraging increased physical activity. You do have a weekly weigh-in, and your weight is recorded, but the numbers on the scale are not stressed as much as the lifestyle changes. I made a lot of friends at the meetings and it was a really positive experience for me.
Thanks to hard work and perseverence, and with the support of my Weight Watchers leader, my karate instructor, and my friends and family (whom I did tell after I began to see some progress!), I lost 68 lbs over the course of 19 months. I also worked hard in karate, culminating with my brown belt at about the same time. I am prouder of those two accomplishments than I am of my Ph.D. They were two things that I thought were impossible.
This is my personal story about fatness. I used to be unhappy, which led to being fat. Once I resolved the unhappiness, I decided to lose weight by changing my lifestyle, and I was successful. But I don't pretend to think that everyone else works the same way.
I had a few friends who felt intimidated by my weight-loss success, and they became self-conscious in front of me. I told them that my weight loss didn't change my opinion of them. I like people because of their personality on the inside, not their appearance on the outside.
Weight is a very complicated subject. There are many reasons why people are fat, and not all of them are because the person is unhappy or lazy. As I said before, I was unhappy and became fat. In that order. This does not mean that all fat people are unhappy. And there are plenty of non-lazy fat people. Laziness is just a negative stereotype that people associate with fat people. There are three primary factors that influence weight: priorities, behavior, and biology.
Often, a person's priorities are a big factor in their weight. To some people, enjoying good food takes a higher priority than being thin. This could be because they are unhappy and food makes them feel better, but it could just be that they really like food. Sometimes, they just have so much going on in their life that being thin takes a back seat. Whatever the reason for not being thin, it's their body. I think that's their choice and should be respected as such.
Sometimes people have behavioral habits that cause them to be fat. They may be unaware of how to eat healthily, or of physical activity that could assist them in losing weight. Sometimes there are behaviors that seem minor but make a huge difference. Also, sometimes people engage in negative behaviors like negative self-talk and feelings of helplessness that complicate the situation and make it harder to lose the weight they might want to lose.
Genetics also play a major role in determining a person's weight. Some people have a genetic predisposition to store more excess calories as fat than others. This genetic predisposition was useful in earlier days, when food sources were inconsistant and unreliable, but in our society, with food always available, it is not necessary. People with the propensity to store excess calories efficiently will easily gain weight and have a lot of trouble losing it. And some medications have a similar effect. Also, I know that some people have trouble knowing when their stomach is full. Due to some sort of genetic problem, or the interference of medication, they never feel full.
Another problem in our society is the fact that food with high nutritional value is so much more expensive than food with low nutritional value. For example, you can buy five pounds of white flour for less than a dollar. How much lettuce can you get for a buck? Not nearly as much. So, if you don't have much money, you're going to buy the flour instead of the lettuce, because you can get a lot more meals out of it than you can out of the same money's worth of lettuce.
I once read an article about the epidemic of obesity and diabetes in the migrant workers who harvest our fruits and vegetables. They subsist on low-cost foods such as white flour. They are paid so little that they can't even afford to eat the very food they harvest! If I ruled the world, I would subsidize fruits and vegetables so that the poor could better afford them.
Ultimately, it is possible for everyone to be at a healthy weight. Genetics, medication, and behavior can make it hard, but if maintaining a healthy weight is high enough priority, it can be done. I know, for some people it's a lot harder than for others. But ultimately, the laws of Physics make it impossible to stay heavy if you take in fewer calories than you expend. If there's somebody who can beat the laws of Physics by storing more calories than they consume, then we need to figure out how to harness their biochemistry to make a perpetual motion machine!
Thursday, June 08, 2006
Health Insurance and Privacy
Earlier this week, I went to a meeting about my company's health insurance plan for the upcoming fiscal year. I learned a lot about how they operate the health insurance. My company actually self-insures, meaning that they keep the health insurance premiums that they collect and pay for the health insurance claims themselves. As a backup, they buy reinsurance just in case the claims exceed the collected premiums. They contract with a large health insurance company to administer the plan.
They were proud that last year, the premiums revenue exceeded the claims. The main cost of the claims was due to prescription drugs, although it was lower this year than in the past years because they stressed to people to buy generics. Still, due to the skyrocketing drug costs, the new plan has higher drug co-pays. They aim for a 70%-30% health insurance/consumer cost share on the drugs, and with the increased cost of drugs, they have to raise the co-pay. Otherwise, the plan is the same as last year, with the premium going up by a very modest 1.35%.
My company offers a lot of health and lifestyle improvement classes, such as smoking cessation and weight loss classes, and now I understand why. It's because when people stop doing things that are bad for their health, the company doesn't have to spend as much on health insurance claims. It's not that they're doing it out of the kindness of their hearts; they're trying to decrease the bottom line. At least since they are self-insuring instead of handing the premium revenue over to a private company, the extra premium revenue from our improved health isn't going to line somebody's pockets. Instead, it's the reason that our insurance premium is going up by 1.35% when for other companies it's going up by 7% or more.
Personally, I think that it's none of my company's business what I do with my health. The company should not be concerned about whether I smoke or eat too many cheeseburgers, because the only thing that they should care about is how well I can do my job, a job that neither requires an extensive lung capacity nor being on my feet. But my company is concerned with these matters, because they are taking me on both as an employee and as a health insurance dependent.
People should be hired because they are the best candidate for the job. We have laws that protect against discrimination against people due to race, gender, religion, etc., because those should not be factors in the search for the best candidate for a job. Likewise, people's potential cost to the company in health insurance claims should not be a factor either. But because the cost of my health insurance premium alone (not to mention the claims I might generate as a high-risk employee) is nearly 20% of my compensation (and an even bigger percentage for employees with lower pay), it is a big factor. There have been cases of obese people and smokers being passed over for jobs and pay raises, precisely because of the potential extra cost of funding their health insurance. There's even an infamous Wal-Mart company memo recommending practices to discourage unhealthy job applicants, to reduce company health care costs.
As you no doubt know, I am a formerly obese person, having lost 68 lbs through hard work and perseverance. Because of this, I am not particularly sympathetic to overweight people's claims that they cannot lose weight. The laws of physics are infallible: if you eat fewer calories than you expend, you will lose weight. I do, however, understand the psychological impediments that make overweight people feel as if it is hopeless, and the physiological conditions that make weight loss very difficult. (Perhaps I will write a blog entry about this at some point.)
Whether or not people can or cannot lose weight, their weight should not be a factor in hiring decisions. Unfortunately, it is a factor in hiring decisions, and it will remain a factor as long as companies stay in the business of offering health insurance benefits to their employees.
We could easily eliminate this factor while retaining insurance benefits by implementing a single-payer health insurance system. I have already presented the Pareto optimality argument for a single-payer system, and I think that the right to privacy concerning our health is another good reason. Oh sure, the gubmint isn't really that in to our right to privacy these days, but I would rather George W. Bush know all about my family's history of colon cancer than have my potential employer reject my job application because of my family's health history.
They were proud that last year, the premiums revenue exceeded the claims. The main cost of the claims was due to prescription drugs, although it was lower this year than in the past years because they stressed to people to buy generics. Still, due to the skyrocketing drug costs, the new plan has higher drug co-pays. They aim for a 70%-30% health insurance/consumer cost share on the drugs, and with the increased cost of drugs, they have to raise the co-pay. Otherwise, the plan is the same as last year, with the premium going up by a very modest 1.35%.
My company offers a lot of health and lifestyle improvement classes, such as smoking cessation and weight loss classes, and now I understand why. It's because when people stop doing things that are bad for their health, the company doesn't have to spend as much on health insurance claims. It's not that they're doing it out of the kindness of their hearts; they're trying to decrease the bottom line. At least since they are self-insuring instead of handing the premium revenue over to a private company, the extra premium revenue from our improved health isn't going to line somebody's pockets. Instead, it's the reason that our insurance premium is going up by 1.35% when for other companies it's going up by 7% or more.
Personally, I think that it's none of my company's business what I do with my health. The company should not be concerned about whether I smoke or eat too many cheeseburgers, because the only thing that they should care about is how well I can do my job, a job that neither requires an extensive lung capacity nor being on my feet. But my company is concerned with these matters, because they are taking me on both as an employee and as a health insurance dependent.
People should be hired because they are the best candidate for the job. We have laws that protect against discrimination against people due to race, gender, religion, etc., because those should not be factors in the search for the best candidate for a job. Likewise, people's potential cost to the company in health insurance claims should not be a factor either. But because the cost of my health insurance premium alone (not to mention the claims I might generate as a high-risk employee) is nearly 20% of my compensation (and an even bigger percentage for employees with lower pay), it is a big factor. There have been cases of obese people and smokers being passed over for jobs and pay raises, precisely because of the potential extra cost of funding their health insurance. There's even an infamous Wal-Mart company memo recommending practices to discourage unhealthy job applicants, to reduce company health care costs.
As you no doubt know, I am a formerly obese person, having lost 68 lbs through hard work and perseverance. Because of this, I am not particularly sympathetic to overweight people's claims that they cannot lose weight. The laws of physics are infallible: if you eat fewer calories than you expend, you will lose weight. I do, however, understand the psychological impediments that make overweight people feel as if it is hopeless, and the physiological conditions that make weight loss very difficult. (Perhaps I will write a blog entry about this at some point.)
Whether or not people can or cannot lose weight, their weight should not be a factor in hiring decisions. Unfortunately, it is a factor in hiring decisions, and it will remain a factor as long as companies stay in the business of offering health insurance benefits to their employees.
We could easily eliminate this factor while retaining insurance benefits by implementing a single-payer health insurance system. I have already presented the Pareto optimality argument for a single-payer system, and I think that the right to privacy concerning our health is another good reason. Oh sure, the gubmint isn't really that in to our right to privacy these days, but I would rather George W. Bush know all about my family's history of colon cancer than have my potential employer reject my job application because of my family's health history.
Sunday, June 04, 2006
Adventures in Tooth Brushing
I recently bought a new electric toothbrush. The last time I went to the dentist, they guilted me about all the plaque on my teeth, linking gingivitis and premature birth/low birth weight. So they told me to get a super duper industrial-strength electric toothbrush, an Oral-B Braun. I shelled out the hundred bucks for it, trying not to think too hard about the cost of the thing. On the bright side, it has removable brush heads, meaning that Jeff can use it too, so it's only like fifty bucks each.
But it is pretty cool. The sensation on your teeth is a lot like the feeling when they brush your teeth at the dentist's office. It gets them really clean. It has a timer on it, too. Apparently you're supposed to brush each quadrant of your teeth ({left/right} {upper/lower}) for thirty seconds. So it stutters every thirty seconds, at which point you're supposed to go on to the next quadrant.
The only thing I don't like about it is that it makes me drool more than ever. I produce more saliva than anyone any dentist I've been to has ever seen, but this thing stimulates my saliva production even more and by the end of the two minutes I've drooled all over the toothbrush, my chin, and my shirt. It's kind of embarrassing. But I guess it's worth it to get my teeth so clean!
But it is pretty cool. The sensation on your teeth is a lot like the feeling when they brush your teeth at the dentist's office. It gets them really clean. It has a timer on it, too. Apparently you're supposed to brush each quadrant of your teeth ({left/right} {upper/lower}) for thirty seconds. So it stutters every thirty seconds, at which point you're supposed to go on to the next quadrant.
The only thing I don't like about it is that it makes me drool more than ever. I produce more saliva than anyone any dentist I've been to has ever seen, but this thing stimulates my saliva production even more and by the end of the two minutes I've drooled all over the toothbrush, my chin, and my shirt. It's kind of embarrassing. But I guess it's worth it to get my teeth so clean!
Saturday, June 03, 2006
Adventures with Colds
You'd think it wasn't the season to have a cold. But you would think wrong, because I have a really terrible one. It's not as bad as whatever it was that knocked me flat on my back for a week in March, but it's plenty bad enough.
On Monday night, I woke up in the middle of the night feeling terrible. I was snoring so horribly and thrashing about enough that Jeff left the room and slept elsewhere. On Tuesday morning, I didn't feel very good but I went to work anyhow because I had an appointment with an ergonomics specialist. He came to my office, figured out what was ergonomically bad, and had my boss order me a new keyboard tray, a lumbar support for my chair, and padding for the edge of my desk. So far I have the keyboard tray and the lumbar support.
Anyhow, after that appointment, I felt bad enough that I came home early. On Wednesday, I slept in and went to work a little later than usual, so I didn't feel too terribly bad most of the day. We went out to dinner with our friend Adam and at that point I started feeling weaker. But I went to bed early and got a pretty good night's sleep. Thursday wasn't so great either, but I managed to work through it. Yesterday I think I took a dud decongestant pill because I couldn't breathe hardly at all. Also by that point it had progressed down from my head and into my throat and lungs. I came home early yesterday too.
Today I'm feeling a little bit better, although I am still congested and coughing up a lot of fun stuff. This is just in time for Jeff to come down with it, of course. You know me, I'm always delighted to share everything with him!
On Monday night, I woke up in the middle of the night feeling terrible. I was snoring so horribly and thrashing about enough that Jeff left the room and slept elsewhere. On Tuesday morning, I didn't feel very good but I went to work anyhow because I had an appointment with an ergonomics specialist. He came to my office, figured out what was ergonomically bad, and had my boss order me a new keyboard tray, a lumbar support for my chair, and padding for the edge of my desk. So far I have the keyboard tray and the lumbar support.
Anyhow, after that appointment, I felt bad enough that I came home early. On Wednesday, I slept in and went to work a little later than usual, so I didn't feel too terribly bad most of the day. We went out to dinner with our friend Adam and at that point I started feeling weaker. But I went to bed early and got a pretty good night's sleep. Thursday wasn't so great either, but I managed to work through it. Yesterday I think I took a dud decongestant pill because I couldn't breathe hardly at all. Also by that point it had progressed down from my head and into my throat and lungs. I came home early yesterday too.
Today I'm feeling a little bit better, although I am still congested and coughing up a lot of fun stuff. This is just in time for Jeff to come down with it, of course. You know me, I'm always delighted to share everything with him!
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Ask a Pregnant Woman, Part 2
Laura had a question for the pregnant woman:
I'm interested in the "giving your body over to a stranger" concept, because that's something I think lots of people who haven't experienced it can't really fathom.
I think that's one of the main arguments of pro-choice people, that you shouldn't have to be pregnant -- that is, give up your control over your own body -- unless you've actually chosen to do so.
[Of course, you could say the choice to have sex was the choice to (potentially) get your body taken over by a very cute parasite (to paraphrase House!), so even that argument isn't necessarily pro-choice...]
My question is, are people patting your belly yet, or are friends and family relating to you differently, and does THAT also feel like giving yourself over to someone else?
Good question, Laura!
As for the "giving your body over to a stranger" concept, absolutely, what I'm saying is that you shouldn't have to be pregnant if you have not chosen to do so. Sure, if you have heterosexual sex, you run the risk of becoming pregnant (even using birth control), and that should be a risk that you are willing to take, under normal circumstances.
Of course the only foolproof way of not getting pregnant is to never have heterosexual sex. Unfortunately, this is usually unrealistic; sex is one of the basic needs in Maslow's hierarchy of human needs. So birth control is a safe way to diminish the likelihood of pregnancy while satisfying this basic human need. For this reason, I am very much in favor of making birth control products such as the birth control pill, condoms, and spermicide, readily available. Still, these are not 100% foolproof (emphasis on fool) so we must be prepared to accept the consequences.
However, there are plenty of situations in which you are giving over more than you expected. If you are raped, for example, you are not making the choice to potentially get your body taken over; someone else is making that choice for you. Should you be required to carry that baby?
Or maybe, as it turns out, you have a condition called hyperemesis gravidarum, "a debilitating and potentially life-threatening pregnancy disease marked by rapid weight loss, malnutrition, and dehydration due to unrelenting nausea and/or vomiting with potential adverse consequences for the newborn(s)." (I think they theorize that one of the Bronte sisters died of this disease.) This was a risk that you didn't know you were taking when you made the choice to become pregnant. Should you be required to carry that baby?
I guess to me, the rights of the already-born trump the rights of the not-yet-born, and in these cases, the woman should have the choice to terminate the pregnancy. I think that it is important to accept the sovereignty of the woman over what happens to her body.
As for people treating me differently, I find that a lot more doors are held for me, my co-workers offer to take my tray up to the cafeteria window, and my boss treats me quite gingerly, making sure that I'm up for whatever task I volunteer to take on. For example, I'm teaching a one-day crash course in supercomputing, and he wanted to make sure that I would be up to it. On the one hand it's kind of nice to be treated so politely; on the other hand I'd rather just make the decision for myself as to what I am capable of doing.
Jeff and I have noticed that we get a lot of gifts from the future grandparents to their future grandchild, and not so many gifts for us. For example, when Dad and Marvis were here this weekend, they brought a gift for their future grandchild, whereas before, if they had brought a gift, it would be for us. After he is born I imagine that the attention will get even more skewed towards him. This is fine, it's just different from how things were before.
Nobody's rubbing my belly yet but I suspect that it's too small to be tempting yet. I'll let you know how it goes as time goes on.
I'm interested in the "giving your body over to a stranger" concept, because that's something I think lots of people who haven't experienced it can't really fathom.
I think that's one of the main arguments of pro-choice people, that you shouldn't have to be pregnant -- that is, give up your control over your own body -- unless you've actually chosen to do so.
[Of course, you could say the choice to have sex was the choice to (potentially) get your body taken over by a very cute parasite (to paraphrase House!), so even that argument isn't necessarily pro-choice...]
My question is, are people patting your belly yet, or are friends and family relating to you differently, and does THAT also feel like giving yourself over to someone else?
Good question, Laura!
As for the "giving your body over to a stranger" concept, absolutely, what I'm saying is that you shouldn't have to be pregnant if you have not chosen to do so. Sure, if you have heterosexual sex, you run the risk of becoming pregnant (even using birth control), and that should be a risk that you are willing to take, under normal circumstances.
Of course the only foolproof way of not getting pregnant is to never have heterosexual sex. Unfortunately, this is usually unrealistic; sex is one of the basic needs in Maslow's hierarchy of human needs. So birth control is a safe way to diminish the likelihood of pregnancy while satisfying this basic human need. For this reason, I am very much in favor of making birth control products such as the birth control pill, condoms, and spermicide, readily available. Still, these are not 100% foolproof (emphasis on fool) so we must be prepared to accept the consequences.
However, there are plenty of situations in which you are giving over more than you expected. If you are raped, for example, you are not making the choice to potentially get your body taken over; someone else is making that choice for you. Should you be required to carry that baby?
Or maybe, as it turns out, you have a condition called hyperemesis gravidarum, "a debilitating and potentially life-threatening pregnancy disease marked by rapid weight loss, malnutrition, and dehydration due to unrelenting nausea and/or vomiting with potential adverse consequences for the newborn(s)." (I think they theorize that one of the Bronte sisters died of this disease.) This was a risk that you didn't know you were taking when you made the choice to become pregnant. Should you be required to carry that baby?
I guess to me, the rights of the already-born trump the rights of the not-yet-born, and in these cases, the woman should have the choice to terminate the pregnancy. I think that it is important to accept the sovereignty of the woman over what happens to her body.
As for people treating me differently, I find that a lot more doors are held for me, my co-workers offer to take my tray up to the cafeteria window, and my boss treats me quite gingerly, making sure that I'm up for whatever task I volunteer to take on. For example, I'm teaching a one-day crash course in supercomputing, and he wanted to make sure that I would be up to it. On the one hand it's kind of nice to be treated so politely; on the other hand I'd rather just make the decision for myself as to what I am capable of doing.
Jeff and I have noticed that we get a lot of gifts from the future grandparents to their future grandchild, and not so many gifts for us. For example, when Dad and Marvis were here this weekend, they brought a gift for their future grandchild, whereas before, if they had brought a gift, it would be for us. After he is born I imagine that the attention will get even more skewed towards him. This is fine, it's just different from how things were before.
Nobody's rubbing my belly yet but I suspect that it's too small to be tempting yet. I'll let you know how it goes as time goes on.
Monday, May 29, 2006
Ask a Pregnant Woman
Being pregnant is an interesting experience. I wouldn't go so far as to say I'm enjoying it, although there are certainly some things that I do enjoy about it (e.g. getting to eat more). Half the human population will never get to experience this, and as for the other half, there are plenty of folks who have not yet been pregnant, and some who will never be pregnant. Because of the fact that this is a relatively rare experience, I thought I'd offer up some answers to some questions you may be having about what I'm going through.
1. What does it feel like?
You know the feeling you have after Thanksgiving when you've overeaten and your stomach is stretched out, and you have to unbutton your pants? Imagine feeling stretched out like that, except that you're always hungry. That's what it feels like to me.
2. What does it feel like when the baby moves?
So far, I am only at about 22 weeks, so he is pretty small and weighs less than a pound. But for now, anyhow, it feels kind of like when you get a muscle spasm, only it doesn't hurt, it just feels weird. But as he gets bigger, I'm sure I will start to feel more.
3. What do you like the most about being pregnant?
Without a doubt, the thing I like the most is getting to eat a lot more than I would normally eat, and not feeling guilty about it. It's nice to have a second helping of dinner, and to eat leftovers for lunch. Before, I just ate salad or something very low in calories for lunch. But now I can't do that. That is, I can't do that if I want to be able to think about anything but food all day!
4. What do you like the least about being pregnant?
I dislike the fact that I'm always so tired. It was a lot worse in the first trimester. Also, I got a body pillow and that has made a big difference because I'm able to sleep much better at night. My biggest sleep-related problem is that I am a stomach sleeper, or if I can't sleep on my stomach, then I sleep on my back. Both of these positions are also conducive to keeping my arms straight, which is important for the sake of my left elbow and wrist. But I can't sleep on my stomach at this time, and sleeping on your back is bad too because it cuts off the circulation of a very important artery that supplies the uterus. So I have to sleep on my side, which is uncomfortable and makes it impossible for me to keep my left arm straight. Because of this I'm going to need to go to the orthopedist soon, I'm afraid.
5. Have you had any food cravings?
Nothing like the legendary pickles and ice cream or anything like that. During the first trimester I was extremely crazy about string cheese, which is odd because I've never been fond of cheese. Also one night I woke up and had to eat some grapes so I went into the kitchen and shoveled grapes into my mouth by the handful.
6. Have you had any food aversions?
I used to think that Santa Fe Beans and Rice was one of the greatest foods ever. So I made my own, and I seemed to have overdosed on them, because I can't hardly put a bean in my mouth anymore.
7. Have you had to change any of your habits or adjust your lifestyle?
Mostly I have eliminated artificial sweeteners from my diet. I used to drink quite a bit of diet drinks (diet root beer, diet orange soda, diet Kool-Aid, etc.) so I just drink water or milk instead. I read that the artificial sweetener acesulfame potassium is actually hazardous to your developing fetus, so I had to quit one of my favorite daily habits, chewing sugarless gum. Wintergreen is my favorite flavor. Unfortunately, even sugary gum usually has acesulfame potassium in it. The only brand of gum I found that did not have that sweetener in it was Double Bubble, and that gum is pretty much disgusting, so I have quit chewing gum altogether. I am looking forward to chewing gum again after he is born!
8. Any other comments?
To me, this experience has underscored how important it is for a woman to be pregnant only if she wants to be. If I didn't think that the outcome of this experience was going to be worth it, I would have a hard time giving over my body to this stranger for nine months. I'm glad that I'm in an emotional and financial state that is stable and that I will be able to support this new person in the manner that he deserves.
Questions for the pregnant woman? Feel free to post them in the comments.
1. What does it feel like?
You know the feeling you have after Thanksgiving when you've overeaten and your stomach is stretched out, and you have to unbutton your pants? Imagine feeling stretched out like that, except that you're always hungry. That's what it feels like to me.
2. What does it feel like when the baby moves?
So far, I am only at about 22 weeks, so he is pretty small and weighs less than a pound. But for now, anyhow, it feels kind of like when you get a muscle spasm, only it doesn't hurt, it just feels weird. But as he gets bigger, I'm sure I will start to feel more.
3. What do you like the most about being pregnant?
Without a doubt, the thing I like the most is getting to eat a lot more than I would normally eat, and not feeling guilty about it. It's nice to have a second helping of dinner, and to eat leftovers for lunch. Before, I just ate salad or something very low in calories for lunch. But now I can't do that. That is, I can't do that if I want to be able to think about anything but food all day!
4. What do you like the least about being pregnant?
I dislike the fact that I'm always so tired. It was a lot worse in the first trimester. Also, I got a body pillow and that has made a big difference because I'm able to sleep much better at night. My biggest sleep-related problem is that I am a stomach sleeper, or if I can't sleep on my stomach, then I sleep on my back. Both of these positions are also conducive to keeping my arms straight, which is important for the sake of my left elbow and wrist. But I can't sleep on my stomach at this time, and sleeping on your back is bad too because it cuts off the circulation of a very important artery that supplies the uterus. So I have to sleep on my side, which is uncomfortable and makes it impossible for me to keep my left arm straight. Because of this I'm going to need to go to the orthopedist soon, I'm afraid.
5. Have you had any food cravings?
Nothing like the legendary pickles and ice cream or anything like that. During the first trimester I was extremely crazy about string cheese, which is odd because I've never been fond of cheese. Also one night I woke up and had to eat some grapes so I went into the kitchen and shoveled grapes into my mouth by the handful.
6. Have you had any food aversions?
I used to think that Santa Fe Beans and Rice was one of the greatest foods ever. So I made my own, and I seemed to have overdosed on them, because I can't hardly put a bean in my mouth anymore.
7. Have you had to change any of your habits or adjust your lifestyle?
Mostly I have eliminated artificial sweeteners from my diet. I used to drink quite a bit of diet drinks (diet root beer, diet orange soda, diet Kool-Aid, etc.) so I just drink water or milk instead. I read that the artificial sweetener acesulfame potassium is actually hazardous to your developing fetus, so I had to quit one of my favorite daily habits, chewing sugarless gum. Wintergreen is my favorite flavor. Unfortunately, even sugary gum usually has acesulfame potassium in it. The only brand of gum I found that did not have that sweetener in it was Double Bubble, and that gum is pretty much disgusting, so I have quit chewing gum altogether. I am looking forward to chewing gum again after he is born!
8. Any other comments?
To me, this experience has underscored how important it is for a woman to be pregnant only if she wants to be. If I didn't think that the outcome of this experience was going to be worth it, I would have a hard time giving over my body to this stranger for nine months. I'm glad that I'm in an emotional and financial state that is stable and that I will be able to support this new person in the manner that he deserves.
Questions for the pregnant woman? Feel free to post them in the comments.
Sunday, May 28, 2006
Adventures in Oak Ridge
Today we hosted some out-of-town visitors: Dad, Marvis, Marvis' mom Ruth, Marvis' aunt Eda, Marvis' sister Leslie, brother-in-law Kenny, and niece Layne. (I don't know that I spelled everyone's names right.) Anyhow, they came down from where they had all gathered, in Lexington, to tour Oak Ridge, because Ruth and her husband Marvin had both worked here during the war, and both of their daughters were born here too.
First we had a late lunch at Panera, before heading to the commemorative walk that we had taken Dad and Marvis to on their last visit. Next we saw the house where they lived while in Oak Ridge. It just so happened that the owner of that house was walking into her house while we were there, and she invited Ruth, Leslie, and Marvis into the house to take a look around. Marvis was less than two years old when they moved, so she didn't remember anything about it, but Leslie and Ruth said that not much had changed, at least in the layout of the house. Then we headed over to Jackson Square, and we saw that and then the chapel on the hill where Ruth had sung in the choir. Finally we ended up back at Panera for some thirst-quenching drinks after this hot day, and they took off from there.
It was really nice to meet Marvis' family members. We had already met her mother, but Jeff and I met all the others for the first time today. I was glad they got a chance to come down here and see the city and see us too.
First we had a late lunch at Panera, before heading to the commemorative walk that we had taken Dad and Marvis to on their last visit. Next we saw the house where they lived while in Oak Ridge. It just so happened that the owner of that house was walking into her house while we were there, and she invited Ruth, Leslie, and Marvis into the house to take a look around. Marvis was less than two years old when they moved, so she didn't remember anything about it, but Leslie and Ruth said that not much had changed, at least in the layout of the house. Then we headed over to Jackson Square, and we saw that and then the chapel on the hill where Ruth had sung in the choir. Finally we ended up back at Panera for some thirst-quenching drinks after this hot day, and they took off from there.
It was really nice to meet Marvis' family members. We had already met her mother, but Jeff and I met all the others for the first time today. I was glad they got a chance to come down here and see the city and see us too.
Saturday, May 27, 2006
Neighborhood Block Party
On Friday evening, our neighborhood held a block party. Each family had to bring a main dish and a side dish to share. Jeff made some fried chicken strips breaded with his secret recipe. I made a Texas sheet cake (chocolate cake with chocolate frosting). Jeff's chicken was a big hit, and my cake wasn't too unpopular, either.
We met a lot of neighbors and it was a lot of fun. Our neighborhood has a lot of people of different ages: we sat next to a woman who has lived here for 45 years, and there was a 2.5-week-old baby in attendance too.
The police department sent out their neighborhood watch coordinator to talk to us about starting a neighborhood watch. Apparently there's a bit of a drug problem in town, which is what probably motivated the thefts that we had a few months ago. We got some brochures about keeping our house and neighborhood safe, and neighborhood watch stickers. We should be getting a neighborhood watch sign soon, too.
Our neighborhood is amazing. Apparently there has been this annual party for 30+ years. Everybody knows everybody else in the neighborhood, so we are one step ahead of some of the city's neighborhoods. I really like our house and neighborhood. It's nice because everyone is so friendly and they all look after each other. On the other hand, we have a lot more privacy than we did at our house in Illinois, because our houses are farther apart, and we have no backdoor neighbors (unless you count the people hundreds of feet down the hill). I think we picked a really good place to live.
We met a lot of neighbors and it was a lot of fun. Our neighborhood has a lot of people of different ages: we sat next to a woman who has lived here for 45 years, and there was a 2.5-week-old baby in attendance too.
The police department sent out their neighborhood watch coordinator to talk to us about starting a neighborhood watch. Apparently there's a bit of a drug problem in town, which is what probably motivated the thefts that we had a few months ago. We got some brochures about keeping our house and neighborhood safe, and neighborhood watch stickers. We should be getting a neighborhood watch sign soon, too.
Our neighborhood is amazing. Apparently there has been this annual party for 30+ years. Everybody knows everybody else in the neighborhood, so we are one step ahead of some of the city's neighborhoods. I really like our house and neighborhood. It's nice because everyone is so friendly and they all look after each other. On the other hand, we have a lot more privacy than we did at our house in Illinois, because our houses are farther apart, and we have no backdoor neighbors (unless you count the people hundreds of feet down the hill). I think we picked a really good place to live.
A Day Out
Today we went on a road trip to the Smokies. It's less than an hour's drive to Gatlinburg. This morning we headed out to the Smokies, stopping in for a pancake breakfast at the All-American pancake house. I had the Massachusetts pancakes (with cranberry sauce and whipped cream) and they were pretty good. Just a couple of doors down was the Elvis museum. We had to go to it. It was a lot of fun to see all this memorabilia of Elvis', such as some of his jumpsuits, his cars, and his jewelry.
Then we went to the park and appreciated the scenery on our way to Cherokee, NC. In Cherokee we went to a Cherokee craft shop. On our way home, we decided to take the interstate, which involved taking some scenic backroads to get to the interstate. It was a good day out.
Then we went to the park and appreciated the scenery on our way to Cherokee, NC. In Cherokee we went to a Cherokee craft shop. On our way home, we decided to take the interstate, which involved taking some scenic backroads to get to the interstate. It was a good day out.
Thursday, May 25, 2006
Lovin' the Old Computers
It's way past my bedtime, but I just wanted to share with you some of my love for historical computers. I've been working on an education project (I'll give you more details when I get the chance), and during my research for this project, I discovered the coolest website ever, provided that you're as much of a computer history geek as I am. It shows all the great old computers, like the ILLIAC-IV, which was made by the University of Illinois and the Burroughs company. I got a kick out of seeing all the old-fashioned computers, and how much progress we've made in the computing field. So check it out if you're at all interested!
Saturday, May 20, 2006
Dear Tennessee
Dear Tennessee,
I am a relatively new resident of yours, moving down here after seven years in Illinois. While I enjoy the beautiful hills, the lush greenery, and the new job I have here, I had a few complaints that I was hoping you could do something about.
First of all, do you think you could get your residents to stop pronouncing the final "s" in my former state's name? Illinois rhymes with boy, not poise. I begin to twitch involuntarily when they do that, which makes it hard for me to make a good impression.
Secondly, would it be possible to do something about the people who don't believe in traffic signals? When I first arrived here, I couldn't understand why cars turning left didn't do like they do in Illinois: get out into the middle of the intersection, and turn left when the light turns red. After seeing too many instances of people speeding into the intersection when they see the light turn red, however, I now understand.
Finally, what's up with the weather? The high hasn't been above 70 for the past ten days or so. Who do you think you are, Illinois?!?!
Love,
Becca
I am a relatively new resident of yours, moving down here after seven years in Illinois. While I enjoy the beautiful hills, the lush greenery, and the new job I have here, I had a few complaints that I was hoping you could do something about.
First of all, do you think you could get your residents to stop pronouncing the final "s" in my former state's name? Illinois rhymes with boy, not poise. I begin to twitch involuntarily when they do that, which makes it hard for me to make a good impression.
Secondly, would it be possible to do something about the people who don't believe in traffic signals? When I first arrived here, I couldn't understand why cars turning left didn't do like they do in Illinois: get out into the middle of the intersection, and turn left when the light turns red. After seeing too many instances of people speeding into the intersection when they see the light turn red, however, I now understand.
Finally, what's up with the weather? The high hasn't been above 70 for the past ten days or so. Who do you think you are, Illinois?!?!
Love,
Becca
Friday, May 19, 2006
En Pojke*
Sorry for leaving you in suspense, but the week has been quite busy. I'm taking some time out of my lunch hour to let you know that it's a boy we'll be expecting on or about October 4. He's an active little fellow, weighing only 11 ounces (why, then, have I gained 20 pounds?!?!), with a normal sized cranium, a good-looking face, a healthy heart, and extremely attractive gams (which he exercises regularly). We knew we'd be happy whether he turned out to be a girl or a boy, although it does feel like we're conforming to the family pattern (he will have only boys for cousins) and I'm not a big conformist, myself.
But that's about the extent of my complaints so now it's on to more questions, like what is he going to look like? Is he going to have (daddy's) blue eyes or (mommy's) brown? Is he going to be blond like his daddy or dark-haired like his mommy? Is he going to have short, stubby fingers like his mommy or the longer fingers of his daddy? And is he going to inherit my (lack of) chin? I guess we'll find that out in October!
*Swedish for boy
But that's about the extent of my complaints so now it's on to more questions, like what is he going to look like? Is he going to have (daddy's) blue eyes or (mommy's) brown? Is he going to be blond like his daddy or dark-haired like his mommy? Is he going to have short, stubby fingers like his mommy or the longer fingers of his daddy? And is he going to inherit my (lack of) chin? I guess we'll find that out in October!
*Swedish for boy
Sunday, May 14, 2006
Guesses Welcome
Tomorrow we are scheduled for an ultrasound. Seeing as we live in the technologically-advanced state of Tennessee, it's the cool 4-D ultrasound where you can see pictures of the baby, as detailed as a photograph, and moving in real time. I don't have to drink so much that my bladder is about to burst. Thank goodness we live in such a technologically-advanced place rather than those other backwoods states and countries.
Jeff and I are both kind of apprehensive about it. What if there's something wrong with the baby? What if it has three eyes? But chances are good that there's nothing wrong with it. There's still an element of the unknown. Is it a girl or a boy? We might find that out tomorrow. But in the meantime (based entirely on no evidence, I know), what do you think?
Jeff and I are both kind of apprehensive about it. What if there's something wrong with the baby? What if it has three eyes? But chances are good that there's nothing wrong with it. There's still an element of the unknown. Is it a girl or a boy? We might find that out tomorrow. But in the meantime (based entirely on no evidence, I know), what do you think?
Adventures in Buying Clothes, Part 2
Thanks to you all for your suggestions about maternity clothes. The shop that I went to the week before is unfortunately the only maternity specialty store in the area. But there are other places to shop.
On Friday evening, Jeff and I went to J.C. Penney, which turned out to have lots of acceptable maternity clothes. So I bought three tops that I am looking forward to wearing to work. I was really glad to see that there was a place that offered clothing that would actually cover the wearer's body.
On Friday evening, Jeff and I went to J.C. Penney, which turned out to have lots of acceptable maternity clothes. So I bought three tops that I am looking forward to wearing to work. I was really glad to see that there was a place that offered clothing that would actually cover the wearer's body.
A Hearty Welcome
... to the latest relative to enter the blog world, Ginger!
My sister-in-law Ginger, inspired by the fame and fortune I am fast amassing as one of the world's most popular bloggers, has started her own blog. Actually, I'm kidding -- about my fame and fortune, that is, but not about Ginger. I think she will be a wonderful addition to my regular blog reading habit and I'm looking forward to it!
My sister-in-law Ginger, inspired by the fame and fortune I am fast amassing as one of the world's most popular bloggers, has started her own blog. Actually, I'm kidding -- about my fame and fortune, that is, but not about Ginger. I think she will be a wonderful addition to my regular blog reading habit and I'm looking forward to it!
Monday, May 08, 2006
Cool Link
I came across this web page and I thought it was just about the coolest thing ever. It's the Baby Name Wizard NameVoyager. It's a graphical representation of the top 1000 names given to American babies each decade since 1880.
We've already picked out names for our baby whether it's a boy or a girl, but it's still interesting to look through the names and see how they've changed over time. Like did you know that Agnes was the 939th most popular name for boys in the decade 1900-1909? Strange but true. And before 1940, if a baby was named Allison, it was more than likely a boy, whereas today Allison is almost exclusively a girl's name.
Anyhow, check it out, type in your favorite name, and see how popular it is or once was!
We've already picked out names for our baby whether it's a boy or a girl, but it's still interesting to look through the names and see how they've changed over time. Like did you know that Agnes was the 939th most popular name for boys in the decade 1900-1909? Strange but true. And before 1940, if a baby was named Allison, it was more than likely a boy, whereas today Allison is almost exclusively a girl's name.
Anyhow, check it out, type in your favorite name, and see how popular it is or once was!
Sunday, May 07, 2006
Adventures in Buying Clothes
My waistline is expanding, and if it weren't for a good cause, this would frighten me. Instead, it just annoys me, because it means I have to go out shopping for clothes. I have plenty of large t-shirts, and I've already bought some maternity jeans and other casual bottoms. What I really need is clothes for work.
I knew that there was a maternity clothing store in the mall in the Big City, so on Friday evening Jeff and I decided to go there and see if we couldn't find me some work-appropriate attire. I was disappointed to discover that there was very little there that I would be willing to wear in public, much less to work!
The vast majority of tops there were of the sleeveless, or even worse, of the spaghetti strap variety. Now, I don't like to wear sleeveless tops, and I recognize that I am in the minority on that. (The problem for me is that I have a condition that makes my armpits a bit of an eyesore, so for the sake of those around me, I choose not to exhibit them in public.) But spaghetti strap tops are absolutely out of the realm of possibility for a completely different reason. I am, shall we say, rather well-endowed on the best of days, and as my body makes the preparations for a baby, my endowment becomes more and more generous. This means, not only must I wear a bra at all times, but I have to wear a very supportive one, which will by necessity have large straps, a minimum of three times wider than the spaghetti straps.
While we were at the store, a saleswoman asked me if we were finding everything that we needed. I was annoyed enough that I told her no, and asked if there was anything that covered your armpits. She said that there wasn't much, because it was the season for short-sleeved shirts -- at which point I told her that short-sleeved shirts, such as the one I was wearing, did cover your armpits. Then she said that the fashions for pregnant women are based on the fashions worn by teenagers, because it made people feel younger, like how her forty-something mom was wearing short skirts and sleeveless blouses and all kinds of crazy things modeled after teenagers.
Her suggestion was that I try wearing a "shrug," a piece of clothing that is like the shoulders and upper part of a blouse or a knit sweater, and then wear one of the sleeveless tops underneath it. But when I tried on the shrugs, they ended up visually drawing attention to my large chest. One of the shrugs fit almost like an exterior bra. So the shrugs were of no help and even made the problem worse.
The only parallel between teenagers and pregnant women is that both feel awkward about their changing bodies. Does this mean that we have to display our awkwardly changing bodies for all to see? That's not what I want to do, thank you very much! I'm certainly not ashamed of my body or my growing belly, but I'm really not that interested in drawing attention to it. My idea of the ultimate summer maternity top would be a loose, short-sleeved top made of a lightweight fabric, not a form-fitting swatch of fabric that accentuates my cleavage!
This may seem like such a trite thing that I am complaining about, but in the larger scheme of things, it is actually a pretty big deal. As I have indicated before, I am the only woman in my department, and because of this, it is essential that I maintain a professional image at work. Part of the way that I maintain this professional image is to dress nicely, but not in ways that draw attention to my obviously female figure. This is not to say that I wear a loose sack over my body. I wear nice women's clothes that fit; I keep my cleavage covered, and I avoid short skirts. I usually wear some make-up too, including eye shadow, mascara, and lipstick. I wear flat shoes because I'm tall enough already and heels are just plain uncomfortable.
I know I'm a woman, and everybody at work knows I'm a woman, and nobody cares that I am not the default (white male) computer scientist. But that doesn't mean I want to dress in ways that make an issue out of the way my body is built. I don't want my male co-workers dressing in ways that bring attention to the way their bodies are built, either! The nature of our bodies is irrelevant to our ability to work at this job.
The problem is that it's hard enough to be taken seriously as a woman in a male-dominated world. Wearing revealing clothing only hurts my chances at that. The type of clothing marketed to pregnant women makes it seem like someone's conspiring to keep women from being taken seriously. If I were a paranoid type, I might start believing that it's yet another way the patriarchy keeps women down. In any case, I don't think I'll be going back to that store anytime soon.
I knew that there was a maternity clothing store in the mall in the Big City, so on Friday evening Jeff and I decided to go there and see if we couldn't find me some work-appropriate attire. I was disappointed to discover that there was very little there that I would be willing to wear in public, much less to work!
The vast majority of tops there were of the sleeveless, or even worse, of the spaghetti strap variety. Now, I don't like to wear sleeveless tops, and I recognize that I am in the minority on that. (The problem for me is that I have a condition that makes my armpits a bit of an eyesore, so for the sake of those around me, I choose not to exhibit them in public.) But spaghetti strap tops are absolutely out of the realm of possibility for a completely different reason. I am, shall we say, rather well-endowed on the best of days, and as my body makes the preparations for a baby, my endowment becomes more and more generous. This means, not only must I wear a bra at all times, but I have to wear a very supportive one, which will by necessity have large straps, a minimum of three times wider than the spaghetti straps.
While we were at the store, a saleswoman asked me if we were finding everything that we needed. I was annoyed enough that I told her no, and asked if there was anything that covered your armpits. She said that there wasn't much, because it was the season for short-sleeved shirts -- at which point I told her that short-sleeved shirts, such as the one I was wearing, did cover your armpits. Then she said that the fashions for pregnant women are based on the fashions worn by teenagers, because it made people feel younger, like how her forty-something mom was wearing short skirts and sleeveless blouses and all kinds of crazy things modeled after teenagers.
Her suggestion was that I try wearing a "shrug," a piece of clothing that is like the shoulders and upper part of a blouse or a knit sweater, and then wear one of the sleeveless tops underneath it. But when I tried on the shrugs, they ended up visually drawing attention to my large chest. One of the shrugs fit almost like an exterior bra. So the shrugs were of no help and even made the problem worse.
The only parallel between teenagers and pregnant women is that both feel awkward about their changing bodies. Does this mean that we have to display our awkwardly changing bodies for all to see? That's not what I want to do, thank you very much! I'm certainly not ashamed of my body or my growing belly, but I'm really not that interested in drawing attention to it. My idea of the ultimate summer maternity top would be a loose, short-sleeved top made of a lightweight fabric, not a form-fitting swatch of fabric that accentuates my cleavage!
This may seem like such a trite thing that I am complaining about, but in the larger scheme of things, it is actually a pretty big deal. As I have indicated before, I am the only woman in my department, and because of this, it is essential that I maintain a professional image at work. Part of the way that I maintain this professional image is to dress nicely, but not in ways that draw attention to my obviously female figure. This is not to say that I wear a loose sack over my body. I wear nice women's clothes that fit; I keep my cleavage covered, and I avoid short skirts. I usually wear some make-up too, including eye shadow, mascara, and lipstick. I wear flat shoes because I'm tall enough already and heels are just plain uncomfortable.
I know I'm a woman, and everybody at work knows I'm a woman, and nobody cares that I am not the default (white male) computer scientist. But that doesn't mean I want to dress in ways that make an issue out of the way my body is built. I don't want my male co-workers dressing in ways that bring attention to the way their bodies are built, either! The nature of our bodies is irrelevant to our ability to work at this job.
The problem is that it's hard enough to be taken seriously as a woman in a male-dominated world. Wearing revealing clothing only hurts my chances at that. The type of clothing marketed to pregnant women makes it seem like someone's conspiring to keep women from being taken seriously. If I were a paranoid type, I might start believing that it's yet another way the patriarchy keeps women down. In any case, I don't think I'll be going back to that store anytime soon.
G is for ...
Post a comment, I'll give you a letter, then write 10 things starting with that, explaining why. The letter I was given was G.
1. Grapes -- one of two things (along with string cheese) that I've had pregnancy-related cravings for. One night, I woke up and had to eat grapes. Luckily, there were grapes in the fridge. I washed a whole bowlful and shoveled them into my mouth by the handful.
2. Government -- I work for a contractor that contracts with another contractor that is paid by the government. Ultimately, your tax dollars pay for me, but I am not a government employee.
3. Green -- I am surrounded by green here in Tennessee. All the hills and mountains are covered in leafy trees, bushes, and poison ivy.
4. Games -- I love to play many different types of games, such as role-playing games, board games like Carcassonne, card games like bridge, and certain outdoor games like croquet. Mind games? No thanks, I played plenty of those when I was growing up, so I'm all done with that.
5. Gold -- the only type of jewelry I can wear. I am allergic to nickel, and jewelry made from silver and other metals usually contain a non-trivial amount of nickel. When I got my ears pierced, I chose sterling silver studs, and as a result my ears swelled and got infected. The stainless steel back of a watch causes my wrist to break out if I wear it too frequently. This is one of many reasons that I don't wear much jewelry. The only things I wear every day are my (gold) wedding and engagement rings, and I try to keep gold earrings in my ear lobes.
6. Grammar -- I am a stickler for good grammar and spelling and I tend to get upset if I discover a typo or a mistake in something I have written.
7. Gum -- I love chewing gum, especially sugar-free wintergreen-flavored gum. Unfortunately, the artificial sweeteners in the gum are off-limits at the moment. Even most sugary gum has artificial sweeteners in it! The only brand I could find that didn't have any artificial sweeteners is Double Bubble, which is kind of nasty, so I've pretty much given up chewing gum altogether.
8. Growth -- I have always been big. I was over 9.5 lbs when I was born, and I was nearly full-grown by the age of 13. Today I am one inch shy of six feet tall. My husband was a more than ten-pound baby and is also tall, and I think we are destined to have a big baby who will grow into a big grown-up.
9. Girl -- I grew up in the South, so it used to be my first instinct to call any woman under the age of 30 a "girl." For example, it was hard for me to think of a female college student as a woman rather than a girl. (To be completely fair, I never really thought of a male college student as a man, either; he was a guy. But not a "boy.") But after living in Illinois for so long, and returning to the South, it is now somewhat jarring to hear younger women referred to as "girls."
10. Grip -- I've often been told to "get a grip," but that's not really what I'm talking about here. Because of the overuse of my left arm and the twisting of that elbow for hours on end when I was practicing the violin as a child, I don't really have much of a grip with my left hand anymore. I still have trouble with hand writing and if I overuse that arm I find myself in a lot of pain. This is something that I really wish the doctor could fix, but all he can do is treat it by giving me shots in the elbow at most twice a year. I have to keep wearing my elbow brace and minimize the use of that arm.
1. Grapes -- one of two things (along with string cheese) that I've had pregnancy-related cravings for. One night, I woke up and had to eat grapes. Luckily, there were grapes in the fridge. I washed a whole bowlful and shoveled them into my mouth by the handful.
2. Government -- I work for a contractor that contracts with another contractor that is paid by the government. Ultimately, your tax dollars pay for me, but I am not a government employee.
3. Green -- I am surrounded by green here in Tennessee. All the hills and mountains are covered in leafy trees, bushes, and poison ivy.
4. Games -- I love to play many different types of games, such as role-playing games, board games like Carcassonne, card games like bridge, and certain outdoor games like croquet. Mind games? No thanks, I played plenty of those when I was growing up, so I'm all done with that.
5. Gold -- the only type of jewelry I can wear. I am allergic to nickel, and jewelry made from silver and other metals usually contain a non-trivial amount of nickel. When I got my ears pierced, I chose sterling silver studs, and as a result my ears swelled and got infected. The stainless steel back of a watch causes my wrist to break out if I wear it too frequently. This is one of many reasons that I don't wear much jewelry. The only things I wear every day are my (gold) wedding and engagement rings, and I try to keep gold earrings in my ear lobes.
6. Grammar -- I am a stickler for good grammar and spelling and I tend to get upset if I discover a typo or a mistake in something I have written.
7. Gum -- I love chewing gum, especially sugar-free wintergreen-flavored gum. Unfortunately, the artificial sweeteners in the gum are off-limits at the moment. Even most sugary gum has artificial sweeteners in it! The only brand I could find that didn't have any artificial sweeteners is Double Bubble, which is kind of nasty, so I've pretty much given up chewing gum altogether.
8. Growth -- I have always been big. I was over 9.5 lbs when I was born, and I was nearly full-grown by the age of 13. Today I am one inch shy of six feet tall. My husband was a more than ten-pound baby and is also tall, and I think we are destined to have a big baby who will grow into a big grown-up.
9. Girl -- I grew up in the South, so it used to be my first instinct to call any woman under the age of 30 a "girl." For example, it was hard for me to think of a female college student as a woman rather than a girl. (To be completely fair, I never really thought of a male college student as a man, either; he was a guy. But not a "boy.") But after living in Illinois for so long, and returning to the South, it is now somewhat jarring to hear younger women referred to as "girls."
10. Grip -- I've often been told to "get a grip," but that's not really what I'm talking about here. Because of the overuse of my left arm and the twisting of that elbow for hours on end when I was practicing the violin as a child, I don't really have much of a grip with my left hand anymore. I still have trouble with hand writing and if I overuse that arm I find myself in a lot of pain. This is something that I really wish the doctor could fix, but all he can do is treat it by giving me shots in the elbow at most twice a year. I have to keep wearing my elbow brace and minimize the use of that arm.
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